I’m putting this one behind a cut. A Letter Writer is dealing with some major work burnout and anxiety, and mentions disordered eating (bulimia) and childhood abuse including sexual abuse in passing (no details, just, mentioned). This is a tricky one.
Dear Captain Awkward:
I’ve been with my partner for close to a decade now. In the past year or three, they’ve been getting way more into their career, to the point where they are barely home. Even when they are home, they’re not dependably home, if that’s clear — they’re sometimes present and delightful and wonderful, and sometimes exhausted or continuously busy or distracted as hell.
To compare, I don’t have a career. I have my job, and I enjoy my job fine, but it’s a job. I come home and I don’t continue jobbing, except for infrequent requirements. (Every two or three months.) My partner is investing in their career, which I applaud as both a feminist and their partner, but also am dismayed by. Unhelpful too is how they sacrifice personal care for their career, like sleep or eating regularly. That is even less my business, but I’m still concerned, and I’m not sure if I’m right to be concerned.
I don’t even know what question I’m asking. How can I deal with this resentment in order to be more supportive? I feel both proud/pleased and resentful, and these emotions are not conveniently mutually exclusive. Given that I love them and want to be with them for the “long haul”, given that when my partner’s present I genuinely enjoy my time with them, what can I do to reduce my resentment and increase my usefulness?