Archive

Tag Archives: The Darth Vader Boyfriend

 

Dear Captain Awkward:

So, it’s like this. I met a great guy, and get this, it’s one of THOSE love stories where the girl winds up with the guy she went to school with, it was him all along! Hurrah for fairy stories!!!

So, all well and good and life is great with us, but the snag is he has an ex-girlfriend with whom he shared 20 odd  (druggy) years. After they split they stayed friends (without the benefits) and were very close. She’s got some fucked up Bonnie and Clyde fantasy going on, romanticizing the good old days when they robbed book stores to feed their habits (yuck!) and, while she says she wants him to be happy with someone else blah blah, in reality is making all kinds of noises (via Facebook comments and sending cards in the post) to let me know that she and he were the golden couple and will be forever.

I can’t help but get jealous about their obvious ‘history’ but as we are in a (new) relationship I feel weird that she sends him cards saying how much she loves him, and sends them addressed from the love nest they once shared.  She posts that she loves him all over his FB page, KNOWING that I’m going to read it. (Hello, we are over 40 btw not school kids!)

Is she trying to send a message to me? and how do I deal with it? We aren’t in the same country for a start, which helps, but I feel as if there are three of us in the relationship as he messages her and texts her EVERY day.. I am getting pissed off but don’t want to act like a needy jealous whinge-bag..

Thank you Captain.

Signed,
Not Needy or Jealous (well ok, a bit)

Dear Not Needy, Definitely Jealous:

I feel comfortable saying that this woman is trying to send a message.

People don’t go to the Post Office on purpose and stand in line to get the special stamps that will send letters to other countries without taking a little extra effort to work that into their day.  If you and your boyfriend lived in the same area as this woman, she would send you both a lot of messages, like sneaking into your house and peeing in all the corners and dressing up in your favorite clothes and rubbing her bizness all over your pillow so that you will go nuts trying to figure out why everything in your life suddenly smells like crotch.

Read More

 

Darth Vader

Do not date this man.

Dear Captain Awkward:

A close friend is dating a total loser.  Please give me the magic-spell-words to make him see this and dump him.  Or else the fortitude to watch him marry this creep.  We have already talked about my reservations concerning his partner’s character and their relationship.  I don’t want to push him away.

I think my answer to this question depends a lot on why you hate this guy so much. There’s a big difference between “Can’t hang” and “Treats my friend badly.”

Dear Captain Awkward:

Both. I mean – He can’t hang, and he doesn’t treat my friend well. For example, he has been moving the relationship along extremely quickly. He brought up marriage on the first date, and immediately started showering my friend with expensive presents. They’ve only been together for three months, but they just moved in together and are already planning a wedding.  He has a lot of expectations for how my friend should be that makes me think he doesn’t really “see” my friend clearly and accept who he is. For example, the two of them went on a long bike trip together, and it took longer than this guy expected because my friend is not as in-shape and had to work harder to keep up, so the partner got upset that things were taking so long.

He is very socially awkward and will often blurt out hurtful and insulting things at social gatherings that are later explained away as “jokes.” He’s also extremely conservative and quotes Glenn Beck all the time, and his idea of how their marriage should work definitely casts himself as a traditional husband and my friend as a “wife” even though they are both men.

I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does. My friend has brought up that the guy probably has Asperger’s syndrome, which, okay, that explains some of the social awkwardness, but I hate how my lovely, kind, and outgoing friend is always explaining and apologizing for this bozo’s outbursts.

I think the biggest red flag is that this guy doesn’t seem to have any other friends. My friend is his entire world. My friend claims that he does have some friends back home in another state, but he’s never met any of them. Since I’ve said what I had to say to him and they’re still getting married, I realize that I probably have to just resign myself and change the subject a lot when we’re together and the relationship comes up, but I’d welcome any other advice.

Thanks for the clearer picture! That is helpful. And awkward.

Your friend is dating Darth Vader. Let me explain:  Read More