Tag Archives: social mordor


Your inner Smeagol will not help you get invited to parties.

Dear Captain Awkward,

Next Saturday someone I consider to be one of my closer friends is having her birthday party.  I have not been invited.  I can’t help but feel a little bit stung about that.  We have a little bit of ‘history’, I suppose, insofar as I have always liked her quite a bit, and she sort-of-rejected me over the summer, but we’re good friends, and I’ve entirely made peace with the fact that, as much as she likes me platonically, she doesn’t have any interest in me romantically.

I think there are two possible explanations for this failure to invite me.  Firstly, she might just not like me that much.  She has considerably more friends than I do, so while I consider her to be one of my closer pals, I’m relatively low on her list, so to speak.  This is obviously a possibility that I would argue against, since we do talk fairly often and we have had ‘heart to heart’ conversations about how glad we are to have become friends etc.

The second possibility is that I’m just not really on her ‘party invitational radar’.  Yesterday, I attended what was essentially my first proper house party (which I quite enjoyed and at which me and this friend spent a lot of time chatting); historically, I either haven’t been invited or, on the rare occasion that I was, been unable to go.  Because I have absolutely no reputation for being interested in attending this kind of thing, perhaps she either didn’t think to invite me, or considered it, but thought I wouldn’t enjoy it?

Anyway, I was wondering firstly whether you think it might be a good idea for me to talk to her about it, directly or indirectly, and secondly, what such communication might comprise?

FWIW I am a 17-year-old male.


There are a lot of reasons your friend maybe didn’t invite you to her party. The ones you identify are actually pretty good ones. What it’s very important to understand is that they are HER reasons. You don’t have to invite everyone (even people you quite like) to gatherings. It’s not a referendum on how much she likes you, it’s a party that she wants to have for herself and invite whoever she wants.

Normally I’m all for speaking up and using words.  Good for you for asking her out and handling rejection well and forming a friendship!  But I think you’re still hung up on this girl. Maybe it’s not in a romantic/sexual way anymore, but you’re hung up on her affection and attention. For example (bolding mine):

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