Dear Captain Awkward,
I’m just going to jump right in. I have a first date coming up with a very attractive woman and I am freaking out a bit. We met on <Dating Website> and I feel like we gave each other really good message. Over the course of our conversation I learned her first name and the company where she works, which was of course all I needed to Google the shit out of her. Oh Captain, I normally have anxiety issues in general, but what I found has escalated this to Code Red. Turns out she went to <Very Snooty All Girls Boarding School in New England> and then attended <Very Prestigous University>. We work in the same industry, but she works for <Big Time Corporation> in <Iconic Skyscraper That Gets Blown Up in Movies>, and her job description is what essentially would be my boss, if not one level higher than that. She does tons of awesome charity work. She has been featured in newspaper articles about “Top 30 Under 30” and “Most Eligible Singles.” None of this (other than her employer) has been brought up in conversation, only through my Google snooping.
In short, I am not ready for this girl’s jelly.
