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Firefly's Jayne gives the old side-eye

Jayne, not the most empathetic of men, gives your "friend" the side-eye.

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’ve been reading your column for a while, and am dearly in need of advice. To cut right to the chase, I have a friend. He is a lovely lovely person, but there are some things about him that have been making maintaining that friendship well…difficult. Complicating this is the fact that both of us recently cut a mutual friend out of our lives (independently of each other and at different times) for much the same behavior. I have only been in this city a year and am in an extremely demanding job that makes making friends difficult in the first place, and we’ve been through a lot together (when he’s a good friend he’s really really amazing) so I don’t want to just cut another person out of my life, but I’m at a loss to figure out how to make this livable.

I guess what it comes down to is he is incredibly self centered. He’s kind and caring and really there for you when it works for him, but….he never meets someone halfway let alone on their terms. It’s his way or no way at all. He hardly ever comes to my house, though we live close. I’m at his place all the time, on his invitation. He consistently can’t make it when I invite him. When I am at his house he continues about his day like I wasn’t there. He hangs, but he’ll continue to answer emails, fix his bike, play guitar, even if I’m dying of boredom. He’s fine if you leave, but if I want to see him at all it’s 100% on his terms: his time, his place, his choice of activity. “No I won’t go get coffee with you and chat, but you can watch me play guitar!” Even when, say, I’d love to catch up or really need to talk. I tried bringing it up, but that brings me to the second point:

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Dear Captain Awkward,

Your friend "Bill" gets a good old-fashioned side-eye from Rue McLanahan and Captain Awkward.

I never thought I’d write one of those weepy “Should I cut things off with my friend?” letters to an advice column, but here I am. Long story short, I’ve been taking an extended (18-month) time-out from my best friend and now he wants to get back together. The problem is that I’m not myself due to a traumatic bereavement four months ago. I’m getting help for the resulting depression and insomnia, but I don’t feel like I have people to confide in about this particular issue, and I don’t trust my judgment in this state. I know that that my former BFF and I can’t go back to the way things were, but I’m tempted to at least patch things up and see what can be salvaged. How can I figure out if I should continue to keep him out of my life or try to find some new relationship?

“Bill” was my housemate in our senior year of college. We didn’t really get along at the time because I was the nerd and he was the one with a steady stream of live-in girlfriends and no clue about what he was doing next. He and our other housemate drove each other insane and I stayed out of it. There were a few bonding moments, but after school we didn’t hear from each other for 5 years.

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