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Tag Archives: Maggie Estep

Charlize Theron in Young Adult

Not a role model.

Hi Captain.

I have a friend who has become obsessed with a man who has never even spoken to her (no, the “friend” is not me). She has spent hours and hours ruminating about this man, to the point that I am concerned how she has let this seriously affect her life.

It happened like this: she first encountered him at work. He moved aside to let her pass through a doorway, their eyes met, and she felt that they had some sort of intense connection, that affected her. By her account, he seemed to be responding to her, too, and just looked sort of stunned. She seldom dealt with the higher ups, but this man turned out to be the boss of the large business, which she did not know at the time ! She was injured at work soon after, and went into a retraining program, so she no longer works there, but remains friends with some of her former co-workers.

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Hello Captain!

I have been reading your blog and loving your smart, thoughtful advice.  I was wondering if you could give me some help with my problem.

This may be a bit of a ‘my diamond shoes pinch’ problem but I’d appreciate your advice because I’m tying myself up in knots.  I am in a poly relationship.  I have a kind, wonderful husband and a girlfriend who I adore.  She is smart, she is an amazing activist, she is an unstoppable bundle of awesome.  However, there are some problems which lead to a whole tangled mess.

My feelings for her are much deeper than her feelings for me.  I am basically in love with her but for her, it is a good friendship with great sex, not love.  It was painful to accept and I still have pangs of jealousy at times but the good things are so very good that I have no regrets.  I try not to ask for more than she is willing to give and to give her space.  I don’t normally lean on her for emotional support, although when I’ve needed to, she’s been there for me.

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I cannot look. It is too awkward.

Sometimes the only answer an advice columnist can give is “Dude, you are so fucked.”  Check out Dan Savage’s Letter of the Day from yesterday.  Amazing.

Also, it’s National Poetry Month!  Here is Maggie Estep’s great poem, “I am an emotional idiot.”

I’m an Emotional Idiot

so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

God,
You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
DON’T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.