Dear Captain Awkward,
I hope you can help me with coming up with a script for an awkward conversation that needs to happen. Here’s the situation:
My husband and I (!!!) got married (!!) on Saturday. It was amazing in every way except for one—we made a guestbook for people to sign. The guestbook was a photo album of us and we had pens for people to write their best wishes for us in it. Most people wrote lovely things, and a few people cracked some funny jokes in it that I know we will enjoy looking back on. One person, however, was immature enough to draw a penis spurting cum all over my husband’s face. In our wedding guestbook. That our parents and grandparents are going to look through, and our kids one day (should we be so lucky).
We have a witness to the penis-drawing act, so we know who did it, and I can’t say I’m surprised. Husband and I would like to tell this person how the penis-drawing-on-his-face made us feel; namely, that it hurt our feelings that she did this and it made us feel that she doesn’t respect us. It makes me regret that we invited her to the wedding, but I’m trying not to think about that since it’s in the past and I’m still trying to maintain my zen-bride mentality which has served me well so far. Husband is closer to this person than I am but I am the more confrontational of the two of us, and he has more to lose in the confronting, being closer to her and to her partner, who is a particular friend of my husband’s.