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Part 1 is here. This is a feature where patrons of the blog have first crack at getting short questions answered, it lets us cover a lot of ground and have interesting discussions. Please consider supporting the site at Patreon or via other channels if you can, I appreciate it greatly.

Onto the questions! In this batch: What happens when your family gets mad you wrote about them, quelching an inconvenient crush, fictional recs for healthy conflict resolution, heading off body criticism around tattoos, habit trackers for ADHD folks, and resources for improving positive body image.

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Hello readers! I’m excited to get back into the blogging swing next week, but first, some chitchat!

Medical News: Surgery went fine, all is well as can be though last week sucked so bad as my body tried to decide between “pain regulation” and “all other bodily functions.” I’m back to my normal routine, got a clean bill at the follow-up visit. Now we just wait for “Guillame” to shrivel and die and do more imaging in a few months.

Random Culture News: I watched a rough cut of my friends’ upcoming movie Monuments last night and it was so, so, so good. They’re still in post-production and I don’t know the expected release date, but anyone out there who thinks “I’d like to see a kindhearted Coen Brothers-y, David Lynch-y sort of comedy about love and death and mythology that is a journey through the middle parts of America and it is sometimes a musical” are gonna like this one.

Kitten News: Daniel Striped Tiger and Henrietta Pussycat will be a year old at the beginning of May so time to switch over to Cat News officially then, but we’ve got two weeks left, right?

Sleepy Cats

Henrietta (L) and Daniel(R) are cuddled together asleep.

Lenée Appreciation News: This week ends the current guest-blogging stint by Lenée aka @dopegirlfresh. It was such a gift to have her help so I could recuperate, and it was a gift in other ways, like, how interesting it was to see someone else step in and do my job and watch that process up close. We did a little Q&A to close out her time here.

CA: When you said that you wished you could take over CaptainAwkward.com for a week was there a specific topic or letter that made you think “I have Things To Say about that”?

L: I found myself wondering whose internet-job I’d like to do. Would I want to tweet for Fat Kid Deals? Would I be able to field customer service on Wendy’s Facebook page? The answer was a resounding no; I realized I like talking to people and decided that being Captain Awkward for a week was right up my alley.

CA: You’ve stared directly into my inbox and lived to tell the tale. I’d love to know what you thought of the experience as a whole. Were there any trends you noticed, things that surprised you?

L: I noticed that people really, really trust you with their deepest and most intense stuff. I love that you’ve been able to build such a great space for people to get support and reassurance. Nothing surprised me; perhaps because I’ve been on the internet a looooong time, there’s next to nothing that surprises me.

CA: Do you have favorite advice columns or sites? Are there advice columns you wish existed?

L: Honest answer: I only read and consistently enjoy CA. I’m an occasional reader of the Redditships Twitter account and always read screenshots from AITA on twitter as they come down my timeline.

wish there existed an advice column that focused on trans and queer people of color. (Somebody please start one)(CA: YES HARD AGREE I will help in any way I can) 

CA: We’re surrounded by tips, “life hacks”, and advice from all sides. How do you sift out the good stuff from the useless stuff from the actually harmful stuff? What do you wish  advice-givers did more of (and less of)? Why do you think people are so into the idea of advice?

L: I often consider the source of a tip. For instance, I never read stuff in Cosmo or any similar magazine. It couldn’t be any less inclusive of me or anyone I care about. I would never take advice from, like, anyone affiliated with Fox News. And I don’t believe in anything Lena Dunham says, because Lena Dunham.

L: They can read my Twitter (@dopegirlfresh) or find me on Medium (same user name). In a few weeks, I’m launching a monthly column and will happily share that link with everyone as soon as my first post goes up!

CA: I can’t wait to read your work and I cannot thank you enough for your help and support. I know you’re also a member of Club My Uterus Went Rogue, so I’m going to promote the shit out of your medical fundraiser right now. Hopefully you can come back and hang out with us soon.

Comments Update: COMMENTS ARE OPEN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. COMMENTS ARE OPEN.
It’s good to be back.

 

 

Hello Gentle and Attractive Readers!

I’ve got a mix of very cool and very weird stuff to announce.

COOL: I’m working with Suzie Townsend at New Leaf Literary to get a series of book projects into the world. CaptainAwkward.com-based books. Essay books.

WEIRD: Tomorrow I am having a minor surgical procedure to hopefully take care of “Guillaume,” the giant uterine fibroid tumor who has been stealing my life force. I am very excited to get to the bottom of a long medical mystery involving nine-day periods, having to pee all the time, and many many many invasive and expensive tests but I’m also going to taking it very easy for a few days.

COOL: We’re hosting a very excellent guest blogger this week. Meet Lenée!

Here’s her bio: Lenée is a fat, Black, queer femme who lives in Philadelphia. She’s a lover of Black music, Steven Universe, true crime, and doing the electric slide whenever possible. A new plant mom, Lenée writes on occasion and usually tweets as @dopegirlfresh.

Here’s the story: Lenée and I know each other from Twitter, where I could not tell you exactly what first brought us together or when. Did I come for her wise, compassionate, and knowledgeable writing about mental health, race, politics, bodies, sexuality, feminism, and pop culture and stay for the jokes? Wherever it started, it turned into one of those lucky social media friendships where you enjoy someone’s feed and then you exchange a few cautious bread crumbs like you’re in the first half of that Emily Dickinson “I’m Nobody, Who Are You?” poem -and then suddenly it’s like this [a loose adaptation & extreme distillation of a years-long process]:

“You seem like you don’t suck! A rarity on this hellsite!”

“You also…don’t suck? Novel indeed!”

“I saw you have some weird body stuff going on. Wanna talk about it?

“Yeah DM me”

“Ok we’re friends now just so you know <3”

“Obviously <3”

A few weeks ago Lenée tweeted something about wishing she could take over my site for a week and I knew I was gonna be out of commission early this month so we hatched a plan. She wrote a series of posts for the site and I’ve scheduled them to go up while I’m recuperating. Comments will be off [you lot are wonderful but I wouldn’t let anyone do this without backup] but we’ll have an open thread  to close out the week when I’m back at my desk.

One benefit of collaboration is seeing how other people approach the work you do. I didn’t assign her questions, I just let her at the unfiltered inbox for a few days, and it was fascinating for me to see what she would choose. I’m very happy with the results and I hope you’ll enjoy reading her perspectives as much as I did.

P.S. ALSO COOL: I’ve been meaning to link to this excellent “Ask A Fuck-Up” column on “closure”  forever now, here it is, I think Brandy nailed what makes it so hard to let go of someone.

There you go. If that’s not enough to tide you over and you need jokes, here’s a (no spoilers) recap I wrote of every episode of Queer Eye on Patreon  which should be public by now. Be sweet, see you all soon I hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s “no ads on the blog” day!

Hopefully the first of infinity “no ads on the blog” days!

Thanks to the Patreon supporters and other donors who made this possible (and who have literally changed my life with their generosity), and thanks to Daryl and the rest of the WordPress.com “Happiness Engineers” and fans of the blog who have been so kind and helpful.

Lyrics: Thank You Friends by Big Star

As a Letter Writer to the blog, you are never obligated to update us. Use the advice that’s useful to you, ignore what isn’t useful, and go live your (hopefully) happy life where you are hopefully able to use your own bathroom whenever you want to. (This letter haunts me to this day and I really, really hope you are okay out there!). I don’t usually do updates although I love reading them at Ask A Manager partially because I never want to create a sense of obligation for Letter Writers.

That said, if you’d like to update people on how things are going since you wrote in, this thread is for you. You may want to try commenting from a different browser than you normally use or taking other steps to make sure you’re logged all the way out of WordPress to keep things anonymous.

Comment moderation note: If you are not updating us about a past letter, this is a good time to either stick to “Yay for you!!” comments or hang back and just read. Talking directly to Letter Writers in a thread you know for a fact that they are reading and participating in is a little different from commenting on the situation in general. People don’t owe us updates, they don’t owe us the decision that you would have made or advised, they don’t owe us a happy ending, they don’t owe us a breakup or the whole new lease on life that we rooted for. If they are generous enough to share how things are going now, hey definitely don’t need deluged with more advice or to have their decisions picked apart. You can hear the ending to the story OR you can be right about everything and today we’re only about the stories. Good? Good.

:chinhands:

Let’s do this.