You do not have to show up at unsafe parties even if it makes other people sad, this year or any year.
"Inside this lady are two bigots, one is capable of acting nice sometimes and the other is not, don't feed either of them with your time, sympathy, or attention."
Content note/reminder that describing bigotry accurately sometimes includes examples. Followed by the usual reminders that boundaries are more about deciding what you will do than about what you can convince other people to do.
People who won't take 'no' for an answer often present the risk as you being seen as mean or selfish when you don't do what they want, when really, it's that if you don't say 'no' you have to put up with them in your personal space. Re-balance your risk assessments, friend!
The subject title is the content warning. No graphic details, but the situation is exactly that bad.
Hi Captain, I'm the youngest kid in a South Asian family. I've lived with my parents for four years because I have a career in the arts and have only recently started to earn enough money to pay rent and also, like, eat. I've also stayed with them this long because my frail grandma lives … Continue reading #1280: “Am I a terrible daughter for moving out and leaving my mom to care for my grandma?”
Hi, I live in an area that is under a shelter-in-place order due to COVID-19. A few of my friends have been inviting me to activities that violate the order. My go-to excuse (and the truth) has been bringing up that I live with a high-risk individual, so I'm going to stick to the shelter-in-place … Continue reading #1261: “Scripts for Shelter-In-Place Peer Pressure.”
Hi Captain, My mother and I have always wanted different frequencies of interaction. After I moved out for university, at a holiday party my mother announced the only gift she ever wanted from me was daily phone calls - even her friends were incredulous. She tends to call any hour of the day, hitting redial … Continue reading #1260: “How to maintain boundaries within stressful family relationships during COVID-19 lockdown?”
This is another one in a series about difficult parent relationships: A dad who wants to talk on the phone for hours about only the things he wants to talk about and who reminds his daughter, when she tries to set boundaries, that he has nobody else to talk to. It's about guilt and about … Continue reading #1248: “How to set boundaries with someone who just doesn’t listen to me?”
Thank you all for the kind words and end-of-year donations and patronage that have flowed in over the last week or so. I've been traveling and kind of made a point about not touching my laptop for a week or so, but I read everything and I'm very grateful. ❤ Everyone's doing decade-retrospectives and my … Continue reading 2019’s Most-Viewed Posts