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pledge drive

#824: “My mom is obsessed with my looks and my weight.”

By
February 6, 2016
Abuse, emotional abuse, Families, family, Feminism, health, How Not To Be, how to say no, manipulation, Mental Health, Parents, pledge drive, Reader Questions, saying no, self-care
411 Comments

Dear Captain Obvious,

My mom has always been on about how I look, but since I’ve turned 16 it seems to have gotten worse. She got me a fitbit that she makes me use (which I hate because it tells me I eat too many calories a day, even though it’s the recommended amount), made me diet with her, and constantly makes comments on how “I should go to the gym more,” even though I’m a perfectly healthy weight for my height. If i’m about to leave the house with no makeup on, she says “Oh why don’t you put a little foundation and mascara on before you go?” and is visibly embarrassed if she sees m in public wit none on. She also hates me wearing my glasses, as they “cover up my beautiful face” and will make more comments on them if I wear them outside the house instead of my contacts. My boobs aren’t very big, but my thighs are, so she’s always pushing me to wear push up bras and slimming clothes. It’s gotten to the point where I’m embarrassed to not be made up, am starting to obsess over my weight, and am just downright lacking in self-esteem. I’ve tried bringing it up before, but she either plays the victim or pretends like she never did any of that. Any advice on what I can do?

Sincerely,
I’m only 16. I’m not a model.

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It Came From the Search Terms: August And Everything After

By
August 27, 2014
Abuse, Captain Awkward's Dating Guide for Geeks, Culture, Darth Vader Boyfriend, Dating, Families, How Not To Be, how to say no, manipulation, Manners, Mental Health, Overthinking It, Personal Safety, pledge drive, Relationships, saying no, Search Terms, Short Answer Friday, Social Interactions, Social Media
82 Comments

Let’s play the game where we answer the questions people typed into search engines to find this place. Punctuation added. Wording unchanged. 

1. “My bf won’t choose me over his brothers that are rude to me.“

I don’t know what the nature of this choice is, like, probably your boyfriend won’t ever cut off or stop talking to his brothers on your behalf, but your boyfriend should definitely stick up for you when and if people in his family are rude to you. 

2. “When he says he doesn’t have time or focus for a relationship.”

Time and focus may in fact be factors, but also, “he” doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I’m sorry, that sucks to hear. Move on from this prospect, is my advice. 

3. “How to turn down a friend down politely convincing her you love but can’t engage in a relationship right now.”

This is the wrong way to go about it. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, just tell her “I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you, I’m so sorry, but I value you very much as a friend.” Let her heal for a bit and then you can most likely be friends again. If you use the “not right now” excuse you leave her hanging and hoping, and it’s going to be so much worse.

4. “What it means when a girl say she does not think it will work out.” /”What did she mean by saying we can’t cope with each other?”

Most likely translations: “I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you, but I’m using neutral language like ‘it won’t’ work’ to try to spare your feelings.”

5. “How to respond to a compliment on your looks.”

From an acquaintance, not delivered with a leer, like, “You look really nice today?” a good answer is “Thank you.” It’s what people expect to hear and will complete the conversational circuit with maximum efficiency. 

Yelled at you from a moving car? It’s not a compliment at that point. 

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Summer Pledge Drive: Give me a dollar and I’ll give you a movie.

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July 10, 2012
pledge drive
27 Comments
Mannequins in the hallway, waiting to be put away.

Production Still from The Wardrobe. Photo by Mari Provencher.

Dear Readers,

It’s the time of the year where I ask folks who want to support the site to throw a few $ in the tip jar if you can.

Here’s a link to contribute using PayPal. If something funky happens with the link (and something funky may well happen), my PayPal account is the same as the email address for the site: welcometoawkwardtown@gmail.com.

Here’s a link to contribute using Dwolla (free to anyone in the USA with a bank account).

Contributions are not tax-deductible. To be blunt, every contribution means less freelance work I have to hustle for in the next few months which means I can continue blogging, continue eating, and do some actual screenwriting(!) for a change.

This year, I will offer a download of my short film, The Wardrobe as a thank you for donations of any amount. What happens when your wealthy lover tries to remake you into who he thinks you should be? Disturbing things, that’s what. Based on a short story by Australian author Danielle Wood, the movie is an homage to Vertigo, The Twilight Zone, and every makeover montage in every movie ever where you liked the “before” version better.

Anyone who donates will get an email (within 24 hours-ish) with a download link and the password to watch the Vimeo version so you can watch the film however is convenient for you.

In the past the thank you reward for donating was an awkward short story I wrote called The Best Dog In The World, about when you know you have to break up but you’re not quite ready yet. If you missed out then, here you go.

Thank you in advance for your generosity, and thank you always for your loyal readership, constructive and insightful comments, and always-interesting letters.
You can support the site at any time, of course, but you’ll see a reminder and a link to this post somewhere in every question/answer for the next week.

What’s more awkward than a pledge drive?

By
July 8, 2011
pledge drive
9 Comments

Dear Kind and Attractive Readers:

Times have been lean around the Casa De Awkward, with some unexpected expenses around breaking up, moving out, and having to replace my broken computer on very short notice.  I’m hustling and freelancing as fast as I can, but in the meantime, I’m going to take a page from Shakesville’s book and ask you guys directly:

IF you enjoy yourself here, and IF you can spare it, could you kick in $5-$10 (or whatever amount you are comfortable with) for the writer?

Clicking on this photo of ramen will take you to a PayPal link where you can donate. All supporters will get a .pdf copy of my short story “The Best Dog In The World” by way of thanks.

Click on the ramen for a Paypal Link!

Clicking the ramen means I might not have to eat the ramen. The ramen and I thank you.

I love writing this blog, and I’m very grateful to the letter writers who trust us with their stories and to the best group of readers and commenters on the Internet. Thank you all for your kindness in reading, linking, and Tweeting! I hope this won’t make it weird between us.