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Hello readers! I’m excited to get back into the blogging swing next week, but first, some chitchat!

Medical News: Surgery went fine, all is well as can be though last week sucked so bad as my body tried to decide between “pain regulation” and “all other bodily functions.” I’m back to my normal routine, got a clean bill at the follow-up visit. Now we just wait for “Guillame” to shrivel and die and do more imaging in a few months.

Random Culture News: I watched a rough cut of my friends’ upcoming movie Monuments last night and it was so, so, so good. They’re still in post-production and I don’t know the expected release date, but anyone out there who thinks “I’d like to see a kindhearted Coen Brothers-y, David Lynch-y sort of comedy about love and death and mythology that is a journey through the middle parts of America and it is sometimes a musical” are gonna like this one.

Kitten News: Daniel Striped Tiger and Henrietta Pussycat will be a year old at the beginning of May so time to switch over to Cat News officially then, but we’ve got two weeks left, right?

Sleepy Cats

Henrietta (L) and Daniel(R) are cuddled together asleep.

Lenée Appreciation News: This week ends the current guest-blogging stint by Lenée aka @dopegirlfresh. It was such a gift to have her help so I could recuperate, and it was a gift in other ways, like, how interesting it was to see someone else step in and do my job and watch that process up close. We did a little Q&A to close out her time here.

CA: When you said that you wished you could take over CaptainAwkward.com for a week was there a specific topic or letter that made you think “I have Things To Say about that”?

L: I found myself wondering whose internet-job I’d like to do. Would I want to tweet for Fat Kid Deals? Would I be able to field customer service on Wendy’s Facebook page? The answer was a resounding no; I realized I like talking to people and decided that being Captain Awkward for a week was right up my alley.

CA: You’ve stared directly into my inbox and lived to tell the tale. I’d love to know what you thought of the experience as a whole. Were there any trends you noticed, things that surprised you?

L: I noticed that people really, really trust you with their deepest and most intense stuff. I love that you’ve been able to build such a great space for people to get support and reassurance. Nothing surprised me; perhaps because I’ve been on the internet a looooong time, there’s next to nothing that surprises me.

CA: Do you have favorite advice columns or sites? Are there advice columns you wish existed?

L: Honest answer: I only read and consistently enjoy CA. I’m an occasional reader of the Redditships Twitter account and always read screenshots from AITA on twitter as they come down my timeline.

wish there existed an advice column that focused on trans and queer people of color. (Somebody please start one)(CA: YES HARD AGREE I will help in any way I can) 

CA: We’re surrounded by tips, “life hacks”, and advice from all sides. How do you sift out the good stuff from the useless stuff from the actually harmful stuff? What do you wish  advice-givers did more of (and less of)? Why do you think people are so into the idea of advice?

L: I often consider the source of a tip. For instance, I never read stuff in Cosmo or any similar magazine. It couldn’t be any less inclusive of me or anyone I care about. I would never take advice from, like, anyone affiliated with Fox News. And I don’t believe in anything Lena Dunham says, because Lena Dunham.

L: They can read my Twitter (@dopegirlfresh) or find me on Medium (same user name). In a few weeks, I’m launching a monthly column and will happily share that link with everyone as soon as my first post goes up!

CA: I can’t wait to read your work and I cannot thank you enough for your help and support. I know you’re also a member of Club My Uterus Went Rogue, so I’m going to promote the shit out of your medical fundraiser right now. Hopefully you can come back and hang out with us soon.

Comments Update: COMMENTS ARE OPEN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. COMMENTS ARE OPEN.
It’s good to be back.

 

 

Hello Gentle and Attractive Readers!

I’ve got a mix of very cool and very weird stuff to announce.

COOL: I’m working with Suzie Townsend at New Leaf Literary to get a series of book projects into the world. CaptainAwkward.com-based books. Essay books.

WEIRD: Tomorrow I am having a minor surgical procedure to hopefully take care of “Guillaume,” the giant uterine fibroid tumor who has been stealing my life force. I am very excited to get to the bottom of a long medical mystery involving nine-day periods, having to pee all the time, and many many many invasive and expensive tests but I’m also going to taking it very easy for a few days.

COOL: We’re hosting a very excellent guest blogger this week. Meet Lenée!

Here’s her bio: Lenée is a fat, Black, queer femme who lives in Philadelphia. She’s a lover of Black music, Steven Universe, true crime, and doing the electric slide whenever possible. A new plant mom, Lenée writes on occasion and usually tweets as @dopegirlfresh.

Here’s the story: Lenée and I know each other from Twitter, where I could not tell you exactly what first brought us together or when. Did I come for her wise, compassionate, and knowledgeable writing about mental health, race, politics, bodies, sexuality, feminism, and pop culture and stay for the jokes? Wherever it started, it turned into one of those lucky social media friendships where you enjoy someone’s feed and then you exchange a few cautious bread crumbs like you’re in the first half of that Emily Dickinson “I’m Nobody, Who Are You?” poem -and then suddenly it’s like this [a loose adaptation & extreme distillation of a years-long process]:

“You seem like you don’t suck! A rarity on this hellsite!”

“You also…don’t suck? Novel indeed!”

“I saw you have some weird body stuff going on. Wanna talk about it?

“Yeah DM me”

“Ok we’re friends now just so you know <3”

“Obviously <3”

A few weeks ago Lenée tweeted something about wishing she could take over my site for a week and I knew I was gonna be out of commission early this month so we hatched a plan. She wrote a series of posts for the site and I’ve scheduled them to go up while I’m recuperating. Comments will be off [you lot are wonderful but I wouldn’t let anyone do this without backup] but we’ll have an open thread  to close out the week when I’m back at my desk.

One benefit of collaboration is seeing how other people approach the work you do. I didn’t assign her questions, I just let her at the unfiltered inbox for a few days, and it was fascinating for me to see what she would choose. I’m very happy with the results and I hope you’ll enjoy reading her perspectives as much as I did.

P.S. ALSO COOL: I’ve been meaning to link to this excellent “Ask A Fuck-Up” column on “closure”  forever now, here it is, I think Brandy nailed what makes it so hard to let go of someone.

There you go. If that’s not enough to tide you over and you need jokes, here’s a (no spoilers) recap I wrote of every episode of Queer Eye on Patreon  which should be public by now. Be sweet, see you all soon I hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please forgive the hiatus in posting and moderation.

Mr. Awkward’s bipolar disorder has gone into full “I AM UR JERKBRAIN TRYING TO ANNIHILATE U” mode and this week he checked himself into the hospital. He’s safe, and getting treatment that he needs, but I’m not gonna lie – the whole process of getting him in was GODAWFUL and dehumanizing and maximally anxiety-making and I need some down-time. I’ve closed all currently-running discussions and I’m taking the question mailbox offline temporarily.

People have been asking me what they can do, so, here’s some stuff you can do:

  1. If you’re in the United States, and you can vote, VOTE LIKE HIS LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. I elaborated here. And here. Without the Affordable Care Act, especially the protections for pre-existing conditions and for treating mental health care the same as physical health care, he (and I) lose access to meaningful treatment. He needs access to a psychiatrist and medications to be a no-brainer, easy to access, without stress or negotiation or having to ration medications, literally to stay alive.
  2. *I promised him a dinner at his favorite Tex-Mex restaurant, Uncle Julio’s, in exchange for every hour we had to wait in the ER before actually getting him admitted. I owe him TWENTY TWO dinners. Does anyone have a connect at Uncle Julio’s who can get us a discount or a million gift-cards?
  3. I can’t really read emails or concerned tweets right now, even nice ones. Thanks for understanding.

If you’ve ever had to go to the hospital for a mental health crisis, or take someone there, my thoughts are with you. It’s the hardest thing.

Accurate summation of historical events:

badplacecolumbus

Image description: A meme from The Good Place, where Janet explains that Columbus is in the bad place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide.

Two years ago today:

walkingaway.jpg

A newly wed Captain Awkward & Mr. Awkward walk back down the aisle while family & friends watch. Photo by Eric Lipe. Fun fact: When you get your wedding photos back and the photographer has made some of them black & white, it’s their way of saying “Nailed it!”

Kittens:

snuggletown

Daniel Striped Tiger, front, and Henrietta Pussycat, back, are getting CRIMINALLY large.

Hello readers,

You can submit questions at the Patreon thread (advantage: you get more than 280 characters and first dibs) or on Twitter (@CAwkward, #awkwardfriday). Submissions close at noon. FYI answers will slide slightly later today and probably won’t be updated piece by piece since I have a last minute appointment at noon. Like, everything will get answered today, but if you’re planning to refresh over your lunch hour you might be disappointed. Comments open when the whole thread is posted.

In other news, I’m reading the true story of the person who inspired the Darth Vader Boyfriend tag on my site at You’re Being Ridiculous at Uncommon Ground in Edgewater tonight, and some tickets are still available as of this morning, come & see! The venue is accessible, the food is great, the lineup for the rest of the shows tomorrow and next weekend is also great (I’m gonna try to go tomorrow and see Lily Be & Clarence, two of my favorite Chicago storytellers. We couldn’t all be on the same bill or the awesomeness would shut down the city).

In other news: Kittens.

snuggles

Image description: Two brown tabby kittens snuggling the everloving shit out of each other. Daniel is on his back with his belly exposed, Henrietta is spooning him.

henrietta

Image: Henrietta, a classic brown tabby kitten, looking all elegant and fierce as she lounges in a window.

daniel.jpg

Image: Daniel Tiger, a “mackerel” tabby kitten, hanging out on his round ball toy and staring into camera with his pretty green eyes.

Ok, let’s do this!

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My new coworkers are seriously interfering with my productivity.

henriettaanddaniel

Image: Two tiny brown tabby kittens, one lying down and one stalking/lurking in the back.

They’re here.

Meet Henrietta Pussycat (back, with the darker markings) and Daniel Striped Tiger (lying down), adopted via the wonderful Feline Friends Chicago fostering rescue. Check out the tiny watch they photoshopped on Daniel to make him more like his puppet namesake! Obviously he had to keep that name, so Nutella here became Henrietta for the full Mr. Rogers experience.

Daily (hourly?) updates on Twitter whenever they hold still long enough to photograph.

 

Content note: There are mentions of suicide later in this post and also some very US-specific political stuff.

I promise not to turn this blog into an all politics, all US health-care policy all the time site, but this couldn’t be more important or personal to me. I could not in good conscience neglect the platform that this site and this community has given me to speak. Thank you for reading.

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