I believe the classic phrase is "don't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm."
Hello, this week we have a guest post from Rachel Hoffman of Unf*ck Your Habitat blog and book fame about the tricky balance of maintaining your own sanity (and sanitation) in a house where you are a guest.
"I'm not a bigot, I'm just really *worried* that you and your child are total deviants who don't deserve rights." -Some Dipshit
How does a gentle reminder about doing your laundry from someone who loves you become an existential struggle? Plus, strategies for changing unhealthy communication patterns that do not rely on *persuading* the other person to change for you. Dear Captain Awkward, What are some good scripts for telling my mother I don't want or need … Continue reading #1281: “Every conversation with my mom is an interrogation of my life choices.”
Hi Captain, I'm the youngest kid in a South Asian family. I've lived with my parents for four years because I have a career in the arts and have only recently started to earn enough money to pay rent and also, like, eat. I've also stayed with them this long because my frail grandma lives … Continue reading #1280: “Am I a terrible daughter for moving out and leaving my mom to care for my grandma?”
Dear Captain My fiancé and I were supposed to get married this April but the wedding was postponed until May 2021 due to the pandemic. We are both in our early 30s. He’s always been keen to start a family, I’m open to having a baby but really want to be married first. This is … Continue reading #1278: “My partner is pushing me to start a family before I’m ready.”
Behind a cut for mention of physical and emotional abuse of adult children by parents as well as some frustrations and victim-blaming attitudes that are common in friends and support networks of people who are embroiled in abusive situations. Abusers ruin everything, pretty much. Dear Captain Awkward, I (31, nb, he/him) have a friend who … Continue reading #1277: “Abuse, agency, and the limits of advice.”
Hi, Captain, To cut to the chase, I (she/her) have an autoimmune disease for which I take several immunosuppressant medications — none of which are working particularly well. My parents are both over the age of 60. You can probably tell where this is going. My sister (she/her) is getting married at the end of … Continue reading #1274 and #1275: COVID-19 and Family Visits and Weddings
Dear Cap, I've (she/her) got White Family Facebook Drama over police racism, regarding my (male) officer cousins, D and A. I began publicly supporting the Black Lives Matter movement in 2016, and they became distant but civil. (It was hard because D and I had been friendly on social media before that, but I didn’t … Continue reading #1272: “White Family Facebook Drama Over Police Racism”
Content notes for alcohol addiction, emotional abuse, illness requiring hospitalization. O Captain, My Captain, My mother was always (imo) an emotionally abusive narcissist. I'm the oldest of 3 and the scapegoat. She became an alcoholic when I was 16 or 17, has been hospitalised with liver failure a number of times in the last 12 … Continue reading #1271: “I went no-contact with an abusive parent who is dying now. What are the rules here?”