Hi there Captain!
I have a friend that comes over to my apartment, usually a few times a week. We’re quite close, I often serve dinner and occasionally they spend the night as their workplace is closer to my apartment. In the last few weeks I’ve noticed a pattern that is really starting to grate on my last nerve – they criticize how I keep my apartment, everything from if I’ve cleaned under the heating elements on my stove to how I organize my kitchen. They’ve even done little tours when another friend is over, showing all the things they think I’m doing wrong in a “get a load of this!” condescending tone. Because I allow them this friend into my home for extended periods of time, I feel like they should just be gracious, or at least not embarrass me in front of mutual friends like that.
I do tend to choose hobbies over cleaning (but without letting the apartment sink into pigsty levels – it can be untidy but never super gross) so I think I’m a little self-conscious and reading more into their comments than they might mean, but there are other things that I can’t read the wrong way, like turning the tv volume up when we’re watching a loud action movie and I’ve just explicitly said the walls in my building are paper-thin, and then giving me attitude when I turn it down. I’m of the mindset that it doesn’t matter if it’s before the noise curfew, if your movie or music or video game is disturbing someone at 7pm it’s just as bad as if you are disturbing them at midnight, and I know my neighbors are nice enough to not say anything but there’s no way they didn’t hear. It makes me feel awkward when I run into my neighbors in the hall now as it’s happened a few times.
How to I bring my feelings up to my friend? So far I’ve just laughed and shrugged, but I know I have to tell them about my frustrations now before it gets worse. I’d never go to their apartment and say stuff like they’re saying, and I have a hunch they might be slightly jealous because I have a nicer apartment in a better part of town and this is the way their jealousy is manifesting itself.