People who won't take 'no' for an answer often present the risk as you being seen as mean or selfish when you don't do what they want, when really, it's that if you don't say 'no' you have to put up with them in your personal space. Re-balance your risk assessments, friend!
Category: forced teaming
#1283: “I need to resign as my friend’s son’s godmother.”
How do you back out when when someone manipulates you - successfully- into something you don't want to do? Plus, help for when you need to ghost a baby and his manipulative parents.
It Came From The Search Terms: Spring 2020
We are overdue for the blog feature where I answer the search strings people typed in to find this place as if they are questions. Let's do it! First, as is traditional, a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ccC4aULow RIP to one of the coolest, realest artists I was lucky enough to share the space-time continuum with. :cries … Continue reading It Came From The Search Terms: Spring 2020
#1208: “Question about Mom Friends being too Mothering:” BOUNDARIES SCHOOL is in session.
As promised...more "If you're 'not allowed' to say no to someone, they are not acting like friends" content. I have kept the Letter Writer's subject line as the post title so that readers too can have the "Wait, where is the part where this person is an actual mom" "Oh wait, phew, this person isn't … Continue reading #1208: “Question about Mom Friends being too Mothering:” BOUNDARIES SCHOOL is in session.
#1207: “I moved away from a roommate who treated me like her on-call therapist, but she won’t let go. How can I tell her ‘nicely’ that I don’t want to be friends anymore?”
This is going to be the first of a two-part series on how people who can't hear the word 'no' are not your friends. Hey Captain! I (she/her) just moved out of a group house. I lived with five other people in the house, including a couple (Elsie and Jenna). Elsie (she/her) and I are … Continue reading #1207: “I moved away from a roommate who treated me like her on-call therapist, but she won’t let go. How can I tell her ‘nicely’ that I don’t want to be friends anymore?”
#1175: “My teenager says their father (my ex of 1.5 decades) is sending me a V-Day Present. Help!”
Dear Captain Awkward, My teenager has informed me that their father told them he plans to mail me jewelry for Valentine's Day. Their father and I have been divorced for nearly a decade and a half and I've been in three committed, long-term relationships in that time. I have less-than-zero interest in my ex-husband romantically … Continue reading #1175: “My teenager says their father (my ex of 1.5 decades) is sending me a V-Day Present. Help!”
#1139: “Mom, you’ve had two weddings, let me have one!”
Sorry about the premature postulation of the draft version yesterday. Dear Captain Awkward, I’ve just said yes to marry my Mr Right. Our friendship is the most important part of our relationship, so although there are some imbalances in the emotional workload, these are usually corrected after a stern talking-to – which can be delivered … Continue reading #1139: “Mom, you’ve had two weddings, let me have one!”
#1099: “My family keeps pressuring me to make peace with my abusive brother.”
This is behind a cut for sexual violence and violent threats. Dear Captain, I barely know where to begin. I (she/her) used to be close to my brother (he/him), but we no longer have a relationship. When I was 19, I was sexually assaulted twice, by two different men that I knew. I went through … Continue reading #1099: “My family keeps pressuring me to make peace with my abusive brother.”
#955: “I’m in a rat trap of my own making.”
Hi, Cappy! I recently discovered your column and am so grateful for it. You're amazing and helpful! I really could use some situational advice, but it's a long and complex story, sorry! I'm a single parent of a 1st grader. Child support basically doesn't happen. 3 years ago I was (thankfully) laid off from my … Continue reading #955: “I’m in a rat trap of my own making.”
#948: “My sister enjoys being the other woman…and telling me alllllll about it.”
Dear Captain Awkward, I'm a decade younger than my sister, who is in her mid-30s. After moving cross country, I feel so liberated and energized with the distance in place between me and my entire family. I have played many roles for my sister...it was a draining pattern. Even as I have put distance between … Continue reading #948: “My sister enjoys being the other woman…and telling me alllllll about it.”
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