I've gotten a bunch of letters about family weirdness and estrangement and boundaries (weird, almost like there was a series of events in the last month that forced a lot of family togetherness, can't think would have caused all these old wounds to re-open at the same time? đ ) and I'm going to put … Continue reading #1247 “I went no-contact with my mother and it’s turned her into a bogeyman”: Anxiety, Anticlimax, and the Aftermath of Estrangement.
Category: bygones
2019’s Most-Viewed Posts
Thank you all for the kind words and end-of-year donations and patronage that have flowed in over the last week or so. I've been traveling and kind of made a point about not touching my laptop for a week or so, but I read everything and I'm very grateful. †Everyone's doing decade-retrospectives and my … Continue reading 2019’s Most-Viewed Posts
#1240 and #1241: “Closure” Is The Gift You Give Yourself
Y'all I have another Vice piece dropping soon and I have to confess I am HOLIDAYED TF OUT RIGHT NOW. Let's talk endings. Breakups. My wheelhouse. We'll call the first one #1240: "How do I approach a friend who doesn't want to talk to me anymore?" Hey Captain Awkward, Here is my dilemma: I am … Continue reading #1240 and #1241: “Closure” Is The Gift You Give Yourself
#1239: “I moved out of a weird roommate situation two years(!) ago, but the town is so small that the weirdness is still affecting my social life.”
The letter contains brief mention of the roommate either accidentally or accidentally-on-purpose leaving a pet outside for a while during a mental health episode. The pet was fine and this is neither the point of the letter nor the oddest thing in it, but readers have mentioned animals-in-peril stresses them out, so I'm including both … Continue reading #1239: “I moved out of a weird roommate situation two years(!) ago, but the town is so small that the weirdness is still affecting my social life.”
#1236: “My ex keeps gnawing at the edges of my work and social life.”
Behind a cut for mention of consent violations. Hi Captain, I (she/her) divorced my ex (he/him) a year ago. There were a lot of reasons, but one reason was constant sexual pressure to perform and do things I don't enjoy. This pressure usually took the form of guilt trips, but once escalated to a situation … Continue reading #1236: “My ex keeps gnawing at the edges of my work and social life.”
#1230 and #1231: Conversations that are mostly negotiations with ourselves and our feelings.
If you end up trying to negotiate with your feelings, especially Future Feelings that Future You isn't even feeling yet, use action there, too, like: "If this was a mistake and someday I feel the thing I'm so afraid to feel, what (if anything) will I do about it?" Feelings are coming one way or another, you aren't the boss of them but they definitely aren't the boss of you, either. Make friends with them, invite them in, see what they have to tell you. You can decide what to do about them.Â
#1227: “Cool New Friend spooked by ~romantic feelings~ I don’t actually have”
Hi Captain Awkward â TL;DR: one of my partnerâs friends became my Cool New Friend, right up until he abruptly pulled back and implied I had romantic feelings for him. I do not. He seems to want to keep hanging out (??!) and I donât want to make it awkward but this really upset me … Continue reading #1227: “Cool New Friend spooked by ~romantic feelings~ I don’t actually have”
September 2019 Short Question Grab Bag: Part 2
Hello again! Patrons have sent short questions. I have attempted to answer them. Installment 1 is here. This round:Â How do I deal with my mom's anxiety about my life, how do I tell a roommate that their helpfulness is not actually helpful, how do I preserve a friendship over distance, how do I build a … Continue reading September 2019 Short Question Grab Bag: Part 2
It Came From The Search Terms: September Song
It's time for the thing where we pretend the search terms people typed into their computers before they landed on this place are actual questions. Context is missing; that's kind of the point. Let's start with a song, as is traditional. Here's Willie, breaking our hearts a little with his cover of "September Song:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9nSgMwtkK0 … Continue reading It Came From The Search Terms: September Song
#1221: “My husband’s friend Hulked out on him/us, accused us of bullying him, and isn’t taking our calls. Is it because he has a crush on me, and do I need to do anything about that?”
Dear Captain Awkward, Yesterday night, seemingly out of nowhere, my husband âAndyâ (he/him) got a message from a friend of ours, âMarcâ (he/him). In this very long message, Marc wrote that he felt hurt and attacked by Andy during his recent (2-3 days ago) visit to our house. Marc used words like "venomous" and "vitriol" … Continue reading #1221: “My husband’s friend Hulked out on him/us, accused us of bullying him, and isn’t taking our calls. Is it because he has a crush on me, and do I need to do anything about that?”
