#1230 and #1231: Conversations that are mostly negotiations with ourselves and our feelings.

If you end up trying to negotiate with your feelings, especially Future Feelings that Future You isn't even feeling yet, use action there, too, like: "If this was a mistake and someday I feel the thing I'm so afraid to feel, what (if anything) will I do about it?" Feelings are coming one way or another, you aren't the boss of them but they definitely aren't the boss of you, either. Make friends with them, invite them in, see what they have to tell you. You can decide what to do about them. 

It Came From The Search Terms: September Song

It's time for the thing where we pretend the search terms people typed into their computers before they landed on this place are actual questions. Context is missing; that's kind of the point. Let's start with a song, as is traditional. Here's Willie, breaking our hearts a little with his cover of "September Song:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9nSgMwtkK0Continue reading It Came From The Search Terms: September Song

#1206: How do explain that I’m almost-but-not-quite divorced in my brand new dating profile?

Hello Captain Awkward, Last month my husband and I (she/her) separated; it was my choice and I stayed in the home while he moved out. We were in couple’s therapy for several years leading up to the split and for the last part of the relationship we were living as roommates. For almost the last … Continue reading #1206: How do explain that I’m almost-but-not-quite divorced in my brand new dating profile?

It Came From The Search Terms: January Song

It is time for the return of the feature where we answer things people typed into search engines to find this place as if they are questions. Obviously we are missing details and nuance and the larger story. (That's what makes it fun). First, as traditional: music with the month somewhere in the song. https://youtu.be/jpVgPEWNiRkContinue reading It Came From The Search Terms: January Song

It Came From The Search Terms: Flaming September

Hello friends! It's that time, where we answer the things people typed into search engines as if they were questions. It's a good way to check in with people's preoccupations on a large, anonymous scale and it's usually pretty fun. First, as is traditional, a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZCiMp7F65o (Lyrics at the YouTube link) Also I know … Continue reading It Came From The Search Terms: Flaming September

It Came From The Search Terms: Something ‘Bout July + Summer Pledge Drive

Time for the monthly tradition where we answer the things people typed into search engines as if they are questions. Before we get to it, it's Pledge Drive Time! Twice a year, winter and summer, I interrupt our usual programming to remind folks that fun stuff like the Search Terms posts and the Friday short … Continue reading It Came From The Search Terms: Something ‘Bout July + Summer Pledge Drive

#1122: “I ghosted a guy three years ago. Now he’s back! What do I owe him?”

Dear Captain, A bit over 3 years ago, I (she/her) went out with a guy (he/him) I met through an online dating site. We had some drinks, slept together, and then I basically ghosted him - ignored a couple of texts, then moved out of the country, changed my number, and never thought about him … Continue reading #1122: “I ghosted a guy three years ago. Now he’s back! What do I owe him?”