School/life has been kicking my ass this semester and I am really behind on search terms posts, friends. Let’s make up for lost time!
1 “I feel like I have said too much”
You are in the right place!
2 “Boyfriend won’t take showers”
Try bluntness. “Please take a shower, babe, you don’t smell so great.”
3 “My new partner has a filthy toilet”
Try bluntness, again. “Hey, this is awkward, but can you clean the toilet at your place?”
The longer you let stuff like no showering or a sketchy toilet go, the longer it bothers you, and the more awkward the eventual conversation gets.
4 “Guy doesn’t want a relationship because of depression”
Guy doesn’t want a relationship. Hope he gets some help for the depression and transfer your time and attention to a different guy or (better yet!) your badass self.
5 “Boyfriend is a MRA/My husband is a men’s rights activist”
(+ many more variations of this)
I hate saying “he is lost to you” but HE IS. Get yourself safe and far away as soon as you can.
6 “How to get the girl from long distance”
Ask the girl if she wants to be with you.
7 “My husband tells me I’m socially inept”
You might have a social awkwardness problem. You definitely have a mean husband problem.
8 “My bf makes fun of mental disorders”
Try bluntness: “Stop making gross ‘jokes’ about mental illness.” If he won’t, make him your ex-boyfriend.
9 “What effect on a new relationship does ‘getting intimate too fast’ have.”
If you’re asking about “when is it ok to have sex” my answer is “Whenever it seems like a good idea to both you and the prospective other person.”
One reason I advise going slow in getting to know someone and watching out for people who escalate relationships very quickly is that sometimes unsuitable people do this deliberately so you’ll be too high on orgasms and love notes to stop and evaluate a) whether they are really a good fit for you and b) whether the idealized picture they present in early dating is congruent with who they really are. The Dirty John podcast & article series (which gets allllllllll the warnings for stalking, violence) is a good cautionary tale about ignoring a lot of warning signals and outright lies because the feeling of being in love with someone who is so focused on you is so powerful.
10 “Boyfriend wants a love triangle with ex”
Hope boyfriend enjoys that love segment that he and ex are about to be in, minus you.
11 “How to respond to “you’re not my dad” from a 30 year old roommate”
“No, I’m not your dad and I don’t want to be, which is why reminding you to [do household chore][pay the cable bill][keep your mess in your room] is equally annoying to me! Can you just do the thing please? We’ll both be happier.”
12 “46 years old and my mom gives me the silent treatment”
The silent treatment is cruel and abusive. The only way to really fight it is to take the silence of an abusive person as a gift they are giving you. Your mom wants you to bow and scrape and ask her what you did wrong and chase her approval and attention. What if you didn’t do any of that, and just decided, hey, that’s her problem? If you’ve never worked with a therapist, this is a good time/issue.
13 “My family hates my bf because he hit me”
I mean…yeah? Do you get that this is a pretty reasonable position on your family’s part? Instead of trying to change your family’s mind about this guy, I hope you can work on getting yourself free of him.
Here’s a short film by a father and a daughter about her high school relationship with a boy who abused her. It is painful to watch (again, all the content warnings apply) but they made it to help people who have been there, or prevent others from going there.
14 “Coworker wears tons of makeup”
That’s your coworker’s face, not your face, ergo you are not the boss of it ergo nunya beeswax.
15 “How to reject short notice invites”
You can just say “Sorry, can’t make it” on a case by case basis, but if it’s a recurring thing with a person you really like, maybe try “I’d love to, but with my schedule I need more lead time to plan. Can we plan something for [future date] instead?”
16 “Do I have to extend an invite every fucking time Captain Awkward”
Apparently you do? If you’re always the person who does the inviting, it’s okay to pull back if you don’t have the energy for it, and tell the other person “Hey, can you make the plans next time? I’m a little burnt out on doing the inviting, but I do like seeing you.”
17 “Is it a disservice to give someone else your junk”
Most of the time, probably!
18 “Thank you for letting me know the decision and good lick to you”
Good lick to you!
19 “How to react if boyfriend wants to fix you”
“If I want a life coach I’ll hire one.”
20 “11 reasons why you should be bummed about missing big guava”
I’m guava-neutral, but, tell me more?
21 “He’s still on the dating app after a month/I know he loves me but he’s still online/Why is he still on the dating site/Why is his dating profile still active”
There is one person in the world who knows the answer to each of these questions, and that is the “he” in the equation. Could be he forgot to delete it. Could be he’s keeping his options open. Only one way to find out!
Step 1: You’ll need the head of a creepy doll, a bundle of hot chili peppers, any piece of political campaign literature stolen from a recycling bin, the grossest leftovers from the back of the fridge (something green is best), and glass of a refreshing beverage of your choice.
Step 2: Gather these items and bury them at the crossroads during the dark of the moon. Or, don’t gather any of these things – they don’t really matter, except for the beverage.
Step 3: Drink the beverage so your throat isn’t scratchy. Then ask the dude what’s up and tell him where your head and heart are at with this whole thing. For a new relationship, try “Hey, I’m thinking about taking my dating profile down – I’m really happy with how things are going with us and I want to see where this goes without the distraction of dating other people. What do you think about that?” For a more committed relationship, it gets a bit more awkward & blunt, right? “Hey, I thought we were in a committed relationship – is there a reason you’re on dating sites that I should know about?” See what he says. See if it washes. Talk about what you want from a relationship and see if y’all want the same things. See if you’re on the same timeline for figuring all that out. And if you haven’t already, please make sure you have those awkward, important talks about safer sex practices and STI testing if that’s something that affects you & this relationship. Sometimes you gotta be awkward in the name of protecting yourself!