Are you overreacting or are you just reacting to evidence of observed behavior and patterns?
The only thing more awkward than talking about money is Not Talking About Money.
"Oh, we just tell people my partner is dying for funsies, that way we can hear all about yoga, religion, and diets in excruciating detail, I love getting medical advice from non-doctors!"
If someone averages 36 hours between responses, what happens if you assume that their response time will be 36 hours?
Just because you're judging yourself inside your head, it doesn't mean that other people are participating.
You can obviously write whatever you want about whoever you want. You cannot control how people will feel about it or what they'll do about it.
Search terms, including how to advertise for your soulmate/a roommate who will look at your pool noodle on demand.
You do not have to show up at unsafe parties even if it makes other people sad, this year or any year.
An invented girlfriend as an excuse to say "no" is in no way LESS of an impediment than an actual jealous girlfriend?
Your partner's ex, your partner's friend group, your partner's life choices are your partner's job to manage.