Dear Captain Awkward,
I am a college junior who has gotten to know this really nice college senior over the last year and a half. As such I have developed feelings for her and feel a connection between us. This senior will be graduating shortly and will probably move away from where I’ll live for another year. I genuinely feel a connection and don’t want to risk losing them over being a year behind. What should I do?
Hello and thank you for your question!
You are talking yourself out of present action by pre-mourning the fantasy of an imagined future, defining the main risk as “losing [your crush] over being a year behind.”
I think you should focus on what you know over what you don’t know.
- You like this person a whole lot.
- You’re in school together now.
- Is she actually moving away after graduation? You say ‘probably’ and you might be right, but you don’t know.
- Much more importantly, is she even interested in you That Way? You feel a connection but you don’t know if she feels the same way. Can’t “lose” a romance that the other person doesn’t even know you’re having!
You’re right, the clock is ticking, so I suggest that you ask this person on an actual date and give her the chance to say “yes” or “no” to the idea of being with you in smaller increments, say, one spring evening at a time.
If she turns you down, you can remind yourself that at least you didn’t miss out on the chance at something great due to your own fear and inaction.
If she agrees, and enjoys herself, and wants more dates with you, then I promise you, questions about The Whole Future are going to be very much on her mind, and she’ll be the one to bring up next year if she thinks it’s at all likely you’ll still be on kissing terms then, or else clarify that she’s more into a “one last fling before I go” type-deal.
Ask her. You’ve given her an unwitting starring role in a whole year’s worth of elation or disappointments, it’s time to find out if she’s up for a matinée in your company and possibly some light hand-holding in the quad.