If someone breaks up with you, it’s okay to be sad.
It’s okay to be surprised. Confused. Bowled over. Wrung out.
It’s okay to ask questions like “why” and “how long have you felt this way” and “is there someone else”? You aren’t owed answers but it’s okay to ask.
It’s okay to want them to stay. It’s okay to ask them to stay.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to not immediately feel relief or see the “It’s gonna get better!” on the horizon.
It’s okay to be filled with regret.
It’s okay to not be gracious or cool.
If the person says they did it for your own good, it’s okay to say “I don’t believe you” or “What?” or “Fuck you!” (P.S. Don’t ever tell people you’re breaking up them ‘for their own’ good. You may in fact think it is for their own good but you’re not the decider what’s good for them and nobody likes hearing that, ever.)
It’s not okay to threaten to harm the person, or harm yourself, to get them to stay. It’s not okay to physically block their exit. It’s not okay to force them to talk to you for hours and hours so that you can try to convince them or manipulate them or browbeat them to stay. It’s not okay to threaten or take revenge on them for leaving you. If they ask for no contact or space, it’s not okay to flood their phone and inbox with messages and calls, or to show up where they work. If you do this stuff, or feel like you might do this stuff, that’s an indication for you to seek professional help immediately. People are allowed to leave you.
But it’s still okay to feel as sad as you feel when they do.
And here are some songs for you: