If you’ve met someone online…
…made plans to meet up for a first date
…but then after you’ve made those plans, the person says or does something creepy (or racist) that makes you reconsider…
IT IS OKAY TO JUST CANCEL.
Use a text medium (preferably the dating site itself):
“Dear (Name), I’ve changed my mind about meeting up in person and am writing to cancel our plans. So sorry for the short notice. I wish you well. Your Name.”
No further explanation needed. You don’t have to tutor them about what they did to annoy you. Send and disengage.
They will react how they react. Rejection never feels great, but a good reaction is “Wow, that’s sad but I understand & wish you well, too” + leaving you alone.
If they react with extreme anger or clinginess or “you’re just like all flakes who always cancel on me” (typecasting), or demands for a chance or for reasons, think of it not as “you making them angry and owing them a correction.” Rather, they are confirming your instincts to not meet them. You changed your mind about meeting up. THAT IS THE REASON. YOU ALREADY GAVE IT. Don’t respond, block them everywhere.
“But,” you say, “I flirted with them!”
“But they told me a lot of personal stuff/I told them some personal stuff!”
“But we’ve been texting a lot, I am worried they will think I am rude or that I led them on if I just bail”
They might think that you are rude. So, do you want to tell them you don’t like them *during* the awkward date? Or afterward? Cancel! Cancel now and risk that someone you have already decided you don’t like won’t like you anymore!
I’ll go back to regularly scheduled posting of questions, but these were piling up and some of you are on deadlines with looming weekend dates to cancel. Cancel away, my friends!
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