Totally Off Topic: “Icky Fic” aka Hannibal-inspired Poetry/Open Thread

I don’t have a Tumblr or a pensieve, so, here you go. I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS SOMETIMES. This is my very first piece of fanfic writing for your amusement.

Contains mild S3 Hannibal spoilers through E7, “Digestivo.” Comments may contain spoilers for entire show, and commenters are invited to link their own ficlets about this or any show if they like.

If you don’t watch Hannibal, it’s super-murder-y and gross, so read with caution for cannibalism references and terrible jokes.

A Poem for Will, by Hannibal in the style of Maggie Estep

I know we’re broken up and everything
and you told me you never want to see or think about me again
But let’s face it, this is far from over

I like to serially murder people
and arrange their bodies in elaborate sculptures
it’s all that art history training I guess
I can’t resist a good visual prank

You are the best at looking at murder-sculptures
I mean, other people appreciate my work,
like,
whoa, that looks complicated
and “how long did it take you to grow a tree
out of a lady?
There’s a whole trendy mid-Atlantic murder-sculpture thing now
Though the Meetup members don’t really get along
and they all keep dying
Well, to be honest, mostly I kill them. Remember the guy who
stitched people into a Pantone-quilt?
What other possible way was there for him to go?

Those were good times.
Yes, what I’m best at really
is arranging a person’s most poetic death
dazzling them with my wit and brilliance in their last moments
laying a little Dante on them,
displaying their corpse,
and then cooking it and eating it

(It’s partially a dominance thing
and partially efficiency
Given what I pay for wine, fancy ties
and industrial cleaning products
I’ve got to economize somewhere)

I am the very best at murder
And what you are best at is looking at the things I make
Nobody appreciates it all quite like you
It’s like when Edward tells Bella that she has the best smell
She smells the best of all humans
And he can’t resist it, he wants to eat her, so he marries her

You smell like that horrid cheap cologne you wear
But I know when you’re looking at a man
bent into the shape of a human heart
that you can see my heart
You can see my design
We’re like Edward and Bella, baby
Me so good at sneaking into places and
helping you live your best life
And you so very delicious

21 comments
  1. jblanx91 said:

    The best part of this, other than the poem? The three related posts- “Books you always find yourself recommending, talking about diets, and planning family trips with a difficult family member”

    • JenniferP said:

      So related! Hannibal is that total hipster foodie guy who monologues before every bite.

      • thegirlfrommarz said:

        As related posts today, I am seeing “Recent advice for TV characters”, “Books you always find yourself recommending”, and “Romantic or creepy?”, which also feels like an apt selection…

        • thegirlfrommarz said:

          P.S. Meant to say, I love the poem!

  2. aliascelli said:

    I only know the premise of Hannibal and I am giggling. So great!

  3. Caitlin said:

    I am currently rewatching the whole Hannibal series to deal with my mourning the end of the series so this is perfect timing and hilarious. Thank you!

  4. Suzers said:

    Eeeehehehehe I love this!

  5. strophoria said:

    I love how their ship name is “murder husbands”. And I love how the show really feels like a novel – the pacing, the fonts, the stylized clothing, the archetypal roles that the characters fall into. All of its studied artifice makes is a lot easier for me to watch. I usually hate thrillers and gore but since Hannibal is shooting for literary instead of realistic, I can appreciate the sets and the sound design and the ROMANCE without feeling squicked or scared.

    Also, 100% here for the queer lady power couple with amazing lipstick. Lay the margot/alana fics on me!

    • Og said:

      For real! The coherence of every stylistic choice really carries the show, even when the banter sometimes reads like an improv game where they’re pulling conflicting idioms out of a hat. (Don’t get me wrong, I loved it! The ending was perfect and I’m glad the murder husbands finally got murdermarried. Just, wow, some of the dialogue.)

    • miss_chevious said:

      It’s actually become my go-to show when I cook dinner, which I’m sure says something disturbing about me. I think part of why I’m comfortable with it is because, while there is violence directed at women, it’s not misogynistic if that makes any sense. Like, Hannibal (or any other murderer on the show) doesn’t kill women because he or she hates them, and there are no sexual assaults. In that way (and NO OTHER WAY), the show is “safe.”

  6. Pam Adams said:

    Mwa Ha Ha!

  7. dr_silverware said:

    ::)

    Tumblr user brofisting, by the way, seems to be making a physical Hannibal fanzine and it looks pretty nice. I don’t really have a link to info except that I follow their tumblr.

    • Og said:

      There’s actually two artbooks put together by tumblr peeps! The first one is Banquet and the second is Field Kabuki – you can find them at hannibook.tumblr.com . Not sure if there are still copies available, but it seems likely that they might do a third?

  8. sarahlikesbooks said:

    I love Hannibal so much that it has become my totally inappropriate go-to comfort rewatch. Like, some people watch 2005 Pride and Prejudice when they’re sad. I go for the murder husbands.

    Needless to say, I love this. (Hannibal has also tempted me out of a looong fanfic drought. What can I say? It inspires all sorts.)

    • gypsypeach said:

      I watch 1996 BBC Pride and Prejudice when I’m sad…

  9. muse142 said:

    Scrumptious! An absolute joy to read as a fannibal.

  10. B. said:

    “I’ve got to economize somewhere” xDDDD
    He’s such a misunderstood genius!

  11. Quint&Jessel, Sea of Azof, Bly, UK said:

    I saw “Related: Romantic or Creepy?” and that is excellent. I love the poem~

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