Dear Captain Awkward,
After two months of just-can’t-get-enough-of-you, he went cold overnight. Just like a switch was thrown. No responses, no communication, nada. Okay, it’s happened before with other guys, I can deal.
What has also happened before which I CAN’T deal with is running into him again and getting that question. You know the one. “You’re not mad at me, are you?” [cue sheepish grin]
I simply cannot come up with a satisfying answer to this question. If I say, “why, yes, you’re a big shit-ball,” it feels like I’m giving up power somehow, and it’s easy to dismiss me as bitter, as someone who’s still hung up on him. If I say no, then he walks away feeling absolved. Either way, he feels good / righteous.
It’s surprising how often they turn up again with this question. I hate getting cornered this way, and I _will_ run into him again (small town). It’s hard for me to even articulate to myself why this question feels SO manipulative and self-serving.
I’d really like a script that is the truth, but also puts the responsibility for his shitty behavior right back where it belongs — on him. I want nothing to do with making him feel better about how he behaved. Make sense?
Being Prepared Gives Me Peace of Mind
I’m sorry you’ve encountered Shirley Jackson’s Daemon Lover.
If you ever encounter this situation again, I offer you this script:
“Undecided.” + Awkward Pause + Turn back to whatever you were doing.
this lady Viola Davis as Annalise Keating from the pilot episode of the ABC show How To Get Away With Murder that aired September 25, 2014 saying it:
You don’t need to act cool or smooth things over. You don’t need to reassure him. He knows you’d have a good reason to be angry with him, or he wouldn’t ask the question.
I hope everything starts to feel better soon.