My friend and Agony Aunt colleague Robin “Miss Conduct” Abrahams has written an excellent piece that combines two of my favorite things: Better Caul Saul and boundaries. Kim Wexler, a character on the show, is a master of boundaries and you don’t have to watch to appreciate the piece.
Piny linked me to this great piece from Heather Havrilesky, “Can I trust my judgment around men?” It’s very relevant to our discussions of the
Darth Vader partner and how they come on so strong and magically at the beginning (bolding mine):
When you meet someone who’s charming and very intense and he immediately starts talking about long-term goals for love and marriage and kids, that’s a seductive thing. In my experience, that kind of intense talk can actually be a sign of trouble, a sign that the guy is trying to quickly correct all the mistakes of the past and award himself a “happily ever after” without knowing much about the person in front of him. The one time I met someone who talked this way, it was hard not to get caught up in it. So this is how it feels to finally meet The One! I thought. You both just know, immediately, that you’re meant for each other! After years of encountering caution and hesitation from dates and even boyfriends, I was thrilled to find someone who could recognize in an instant HOW GREAT I WAS.
Even once I discovered that he was newly separated and still reeling from his wife’s sudden exit, I didn’t give up. I didn’t recognize that he was handling his sadness by escaping into something new, something that HAD to lead to marriage to make up for what he’d just lost. Looking back, I can’t believe I could be so dumb. But at that point, I had never experienced that kind of confident intensity from a man. He was also older than me. After years of dating one man-child after another, I thought I was meeting a mature adult male for the first time.
Hello, 31-year-old me staying up all night on the phone with some guy who talked really big. Hello younger versions some of you, too. Jedi Hugs to our younger selves, and to our older, wiser selves.
There is a Washington, D.C. Meetup in the works for April 26. Details:
Washington, DC Meetup
Rubymendez and Flightless have arranged an event in DC.
Time/place: Sunday, 5pm April 26th at Dupont Circle’s THE BOARD ROOM (http://boardroomdc.com/)
They serve happy-hour-priced drinks from 5-7pm on Sundays, with board games for rent — EVERY board game you can think of! They don’t serve food, but they allow you to bring in food, or get it delivered, so hopefully all dietary needs can be accommodated. For instance, you could grab empanadas from Julia’s down the street and bring them over (we will have some bites to share!)
To find us: rubymendez will be wearing a rainbow winter hat; flightless has blue hair and will be wearing a railway conductor’s hat. Feel free to rock your own hats, rainbows, or zany garb! We’ll also have stickers or blank nametags you can customize as desired.
You can post on our DC Meetup thread in the forums if you have questions.
FEELINGSNOTE: I MISS D.C. IN SPRINGTIME AND JULIA’S EMPANADAS. Have the best time. If you’re in Chicago and you did your taxes already stop by the Awkward Meet & Geek tomorrow at Geek Bar anytime between 6 and 10 pm and say hello. I’m also reading at That’s All She Wrote on Sunday night, April 19, Great Lakes Tattoo, 8 pm, BYOB/Free admission.
Finally, we have traced the creator of the Riding-The-Nopetepus gif if you wish to marvel at its glory:
CaptainAwkward.com 
*LOVE* the Nopetepus!
And seconding the younger version of me, above. (sigh)
Jonathan Banks is the bestest. So many feels for his characters.
“You’re a criminal, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a bad guy.”
Ok Mike, good luck with your “code.” ❤
Thanks for the link to the Robin Abrahams article! Kim Wexler is one of my new favorite (fictional) female role models, and her refreshingly healthy friendship with Jimmy in Better Call Saul was in my opinion one of the best parts of the (already excellent) show.
Aw man, that Ask Polly piece. Got me right in the (hopefully) formerly-conceited feels.
Plus the bit about actually-humbling vs. humblebraggy experiences, how I laffed. Thanks Cap’n & Piny for sharing!
It drives me so nuts when people go on Facebook and post “truly humbled to have been accepted to fancy med school/won award/etc”. THAT IS NOT WHAT THE WORD HUMBLED MEANS. USING THE WORD HUMBLE DOES NOT MAKE YOU HUMBLE. I am truly humbled by the realization that I am the most brilliant and beautiful person on the ear th.
I am truly humbled by the staggering volume of love I inspire in others. Let me wallow in my abasement by showing you pictures.
Love love love the Nopetopus. Younger me was a sadder me
Better Call Saul is so great and I love that piece. I have two episodes left from this first season and I’m loving it. So quality! Also as a recent law school grad, I appreciate that the law procedural stuff is accurate. It’s a nerdy thing to like, but I do appreciate it. 😛
While I agree with Polly’s broad brushstrokes, I take a different lesson from that encounter, which is that it’s dangerous to believe that you know what your future should hold. Everything is context-dependent. I don’t want to be married … because I haven’t met anyone I want to marry. I don’t to have kids … because I haven’t met anyone I want to have kids with. Could that happen in the future? Of course! Might it not? Of course! When you think you know something like “finding a long-term partner isn’t important to me” or “I’m never going to prioritize my career,” you better be right, because if you’re not it throws your whole world for a loop, just like what happened to the letter writer. It’s just a much better (meaning more likely to lead to happiness) strategy not to think in absolutes like that.
I laughed out loud at “But at that point, I had never experienced that kind of confident intensity from a man. He was also older than me. After years of dating one man-child after another, I thought I was meeting a mature adult male for the first time.” Because it 10000% describes the guy I wasted wayyyy too much of my life on. Older immature dudes know that women in their 20s are going to be immensely grateful and impressed to meet a man with furniture in his house, who eats food other than pizza and who can talk about the future as if it’s a real thing and so will forgive their other immaturities, when women their own age will see right through them.
A washing machine and dryer in the house no saving quarters WHAT DO YOU MEAN DIS NOT GROWN UP LOVE?
My mattress is on a bed frame and EVERYTHING, you’re so high maintenance demanding sheets!
I need to like read that column every morning for a year or something.
My first boyfriend did the whole marriage and kids thing. Immediately. We were literally on our first date and he was saying ‘I’m so happy I met you we are totally going to get married and this is what we will name our first daughter!’ I’d just turned 17, was fresh out of an abusive friendship that started when I was 12, and was incredibly emotionally immature, naive and starved for affection of any sort. I remember thinking ‘maybe this is just how my life will be now?’ Funnily enough it took him till the 2nd date (the next day) to bring up how much he had always wanted a blowjob. I made some noise I don’t remember and he quickly said ‘don’t worry, I don’t want one right here!’ Well DUH, we were in public.
Poor baby Mossy. 😐 I was quite relieved when I found out I didn’t somehow pick the one guy who would do this. This is actually A Thing. By the way, I often want to punch people who act like 17 year olds, especially 17 year old girls, are so grown up by that age (because OMG girls mature so much more quickly than boys and that means a 17 year old girl is, like, the equivalent of a 21 year old man!), it’s like no no, they THINK they are grown up, like all kids! I was a fucking child at 17. I actually apologized to him (the marriage/blowjob guy) when I told him my age, because he asked when I turned 18 and I said it was in 11 months and he was like ‘oh it’s ok, I don’t mind!’ Blarrrrrggggg.
I grew up in Washington DC (no, not in Maryland or Virginia, IN DC) and lived there again briefly in my 30’s. In between I lived in Boston and now I live in Vienna, Austria. Both places have cold, nasty, rainy springs.
Every single spring I get homesick. Every year.