These are edited slightly for punctuation, but otherwise unchanged. Find out how people find this blog!
1. “Do I tell my son’s teacher he has a crush on her?”
No. What possible good could come of this?
2. “How to react when your cousin brother loses his mom.”
Tell him you are very sorry for his loss. While it’s tempting to ask “Is there anything I can do?” grieving people are often too overwhelmed to think of anything they need. It’s emotional “work” they on top of everything else. But they still need the love & support of family and friends. So see if you can bring dinner over/take him to the movies/spend time with him/otherwise let him know that you care.
3. “Why doesn’t my husband like for me to masturbate?”
We covered this, so I hope you found it, but the short version is: Learning to love yourself is the Greatest Love of All. It’s none of his business.
4. “Someone called me “girlie” in not a nice way..is it condescending?”
Fuck yes it is.
5. “Feeling sad and lonely inside a relationship.”
This sounds like a relationship that is profoundly Not Working, and I’m so sorry.
Maybe it’s time for a little journaling. What’s going on in your life, overall? Are you generally feeling a little down? Do you need to call in Team You (could be a therapist, friends, family, partner, mentors) and take some steps around self-care and feeling good? Is there something you wish your partner was doing that s/he’s not that you could ask for specifically? Is it time to end this thing and focus on taking care of yourself and being around people who don’t make you feel “sad and lonely”?
6. “Why does my my girlfriend keep inviting a guy with us to hang out?”
This is one of those “ask her” questions, and if it bothers you, then also “tell her.” Don’t torture yourself with possible reasons. Script: “I’ve noticed that ‘Steve’ has been coming on a lot of our dates, what’s up with that?” Who knows, maybe Steve is lonely and she’s trying to do him a solid. Whatever the reason, you are allowed to say “Could we have some one-on-one time next time we go out?”
7. “Advice for one who has been abandon by the man coz of his family and yet she is pregnant.”
That’s a heavy one, my friend. My advice for you is to sit with the idea that he is never, ever coming back. Make your plans for the future knowing that he will never be a part of your life the way you want him to. In that world, what do you want?
8. “How to control your girlfriend that’s too sensitive.”
Wow. Scratch a situation where a person is “too sensitive” and you’ll usually find someone who makes mean, belittling comments and jokes that aren’t really jokes and violates boundaries nearby.
Is that person you? Because as soon as you are asking “how do I control this other person who is separate from me” you have gone far, far, far over to the Dark Side. Maybe it’s time to break up with this fragile soul and find someone who can take what you’re dishing out.
9. “My boyfriend doesn’t come to watch me perform.”
Oof. My ex-boyfriend didn’t like to come watch me perform at storytelling events, and while I was mostly okay with it (I’d rather have someone not come than come grudgingly and not enjoy whatever it is), it was such a good feeling when The Gentleman Caller’s attitude to such things was “Of COURSE I will be there!” Like, oh, this is what I need and deserve. Oh.
There are limits, of course – a working performer is going to perform way more than even the most dedicated partner wants to sit at the table with the band-spouses until Last Call, and nobody wants to be in the “fan” position all the time. But wanting someone to like your work and be there for you at least some of the time is not wrong, pushy, needy, diva-like, etc. If you’ve been playing it off like it doesn’t matter, it’s time for a serious talk about this. Tell him how important it is to you that he support you in this, and see what his attitudes are.
10. “My friend is cheating on me.”
Like in this short film?
Content notes: Made by a former student for my class! Has some non-realistic parody violence & references to popular horror movies that may not be your jam.
“I didn’t know you didn’t want me seeing other friends.”
Your friend gets to see other friends, Friend! So if you talk about this, I would stay away from accusations of “cheating” or mentioning the other friends and keep it to wanting to spend more time together. More on rebuilding fractured friendships here.
11. “how 2 tell my new gf that i want 2 hav sex with her.”
“Girlfriend, would you like to come back to my place and have some sex?”
Or “I would really like to have sex with you, what do you think about that?”
And then really listen to her answer.
Also, talk about this when you have your clothes on long before the intended moment. You’ve got logistical things to work out. What are your safer sex protocols? Is this the kind of sex where contraception is needed? When was the last time y’all got tested for STDs?
Taking care of yourself and the other person around sex IS romantic and sexy.
12.” after two dates do you still keep online date options open?”
It sounds like YOU do, so do!
And if you’re really into the two-dates person and not so into meeting other people, then don’t.
When I met the Gentleman Caller, after two dates I had no time for anyone else and cancelled any other plans I’d made. He had also been dating around a bit and had some things scheduled with people who he’d met before meeting me and it took a few weeks for that all to wind down. Which we mutually learned when we had a conversation about being exclusive.
Sometimes keeping options eternally open is a habit, sometimes it’s a sign you’re “meh” about someone, sometimes it’s about wanting to feel like you have options in case the other person isn’t as into you as you are into them…but it’s not hugely meaningful on its own and if something is really working it will find a way to work.
13. “Not wanting to be burden on therapist.”
Oh, sweetheart, make your appointments, keep your appointments, pay for your appointments in the agreed-upon manner, and freely unload your troubles = being a good patient. Your therapist is there to listen to ALL of your worries, and does not think you are a burden.
14. “How to say no to a second date nicely.”