A fake holiday we can get behind

There are still 7 hours left in International Tell Your Crush Day (Central Daylight Time).

Obviously, not all crushes need to be acted on or acknowledged. Sometimes crushes are there to light up your day, remind you of some aspect of yourself or humanity that you admire, or motivate you to brush your hair before you leave the house.

But some crushes are people who might put their pretty faces on your pretty face…if you asked them nicely.

What kind of crush is your crush? Are you gonna do something about it?

154 thoughts on “A fake holiday we can get behind

  1. I have a crush, but seeing as I’m married and he’s married, I will keep it to myself and admire from afar. ๐Ÿ™‚ (No chance in hell this would damage my marriage or anything. It’s just a silly little crush and that’s that! But it’s fun to have, fun to think about, etc. I’m sure my husband has a few crushes of his own and that’s totally cool too!)

    1. Sometimes the “I see you over there, being awesome” crushes are the best kind.

    2. I have one of those too, and I’m also married (he is not.) He is really good at doing this one sport, and I decided that he would be my Athletic Inspiration Crush. Now I am good at that sport too!

    3. I totally have one of those crushes too! A guy I go to law school with. He is totally adorbs with his freckles and darling upstate New York accent and GUH. Total crush. He’s in my wider friend group (we’ve got a very close mutual friend) so when we hang out I just bask in the glow and it’s fun/harmless. I’m not married but have a super good thing going with DFTBBoyfriend, so this crush I’ll keep to myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I’m afraid that I might be the first commenter, and I’m just going to go straight off topic. Just thought I’d say – I’ve been lurking for maybe a couple of months now, and I’d just like to say ‘thank you’ to Jennifer and everyone else for running this great blog. It helped to straighten a lot of stuff out in my head, it encouraged me to go and see a counsellor, something I really wouldn’t have considered a few months ago, and reading some of your comments really boosted my self-confidence at a bit of a low ebb. You’re all fantastic.

    Oh.. my crush? I’ve finally realised that I should probably do something about it, and that it’s no big deal if she says no (although I’d like her to say yes!), but she has exams and I have coursework to submit, and so I’m going to wait a bit longer.

    1. You are very kind to say so. I’m glad you’ve found good things here.

  3. Sadly, things went a bit pear-shaped with my crush over the winter (both of us dealing with depression and joblessness –> poor life choices), so the thing I need to decide is whether to tell him that I need to put our friendship on hold until I pull myself back together, or to just back off.

    1. I think it’d be the most kind thing to do to tell him that you are putting it on hold rather than just doing it without telling him, but do what you need to do to make yourself better. [jedi hugs] I hope this summer is better for you than last winter.

  4. My current crush is a celebrity, but maybe I should write him a fan letter. (“Dear Sir: You seem pretty rad and I wish I could make out with and/or get a beer with you. Love, Elsajeni.”)

    1. Dear Cillian Murphy,

      I know you’re married to a lovely wife and have lovely children but it’d be cool if we had coffee while you let me stare into your beautiful eyes. Nothing freaky or anything.

      I’ll buy.

    2. Dear Hank Green

      I know you’re married to an absolutely awesome person. So am I. But I kind of want to bake you delicious treats every time I watch one of your videos. Because sharing delicious treats with awesome people is awesome, and kind of my default method of showing affection.

        1. But Hank has the lisp and the unfettered enthusiasm! And made a video of himself humping EVERYTHING just to tease his brother!

    3. Dear Benedict Cumberbatch,

      I know you’re busy what with transforming into Smaug and breathing fire and all that dragony goodness, but perhaps we could have dinner over a few
      hobbits sometime?

    4. Dear Ben Whishaw,

      I realize you’re taken and that we’re separated by the Atlantic, but I kind of want to lie down on your lap while you read either the dictionary or the phone book to me out loud.

      Or we could just hang out. That’s cool, too.

    5. Dear Mr. Hiddleston: love your performances, in TV and in the movies. I also think you are a decent human being. I would love to have a chat over a coffee an lemon pie. Of course, you will have to endure my love-face. I promise not to drool too much and/or be discreet. Iยดll pay.

    6. Dear Kara Thrace: Though you are fictional, I would like to marry you. If you like. If not, would you like to get drunk and play cards?

      Dear Kevin Conroy: Your nuanced portrayal of Batman has been my guiding star throughout my whole life. May I bake pies for you while you talk about anything?

    7. Dear Mae Martin,

      You’re a little bit famous and a whole lot sexy, we both love Harry Potter, I think you’re the funniest ever. But you live in the UK and maybe have a girlfriend so I’ll just fawn on you from afar, along with probably every queer who’s ever laid eyes on you, thank you!


    1. Mine, too; worse, not just higher up than me, but my boss. Boss, you are awesome, and I’m sure we’re both grateful my feelings are only my own!

      1. *Sigh* I’m in the same boat. Sexy Boss Man isn’t even attracted to women, so my PantsFeelings are doubly moot .

        1. Oh wow yes. Sexy work mate. Desk right next to mine. And yep – my work performance has never been better ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. I wonder if I should come out with my old/past crush on my friend. We’re at a point that I think I could tell her about the enormous crush I had on her in high school without having it be awkward. Also she’s at a point now that girl-girl crushes wouldn’t completely weird her out. She’s quite hetero, but I’m quite married, so there would be no hidden agendas or anything. Just a “hey, you’re really awesome and I’m so glad you’re in my life. I would have dated you if you had been interested, but you weren’t and that didn’t stop us from having an awesome non-romantic relationship” kind of thing.
    Then again maybe not. I can still tell her she’s awesome and I’m glad she’s in my life without going into past feelings.

    1. At a certain point of intimacy/friendship, I find that one can say, “I used to like you! Isn’t that a riot!” and then both people can laugh about it and go out for ice cream (Not that your crush was silly! Just that life can be humorous sometimes). If you are not close friends, I wouldn’t go there.

  6. I had a crush but then I got to know him. He could have bottled the white, middle-class dude privilege that dripped off him and sold it as Pants Feelings B Gone.

    And alas, I will not be telling James MacAvoy that I have a perma-crush on him because I feel like it would weird us both out. But I’ll tell ‘ee what, Awkwardeers, James MacAvoy is properly lovely. Especially when he’s prancing round Arrakis in a pair of leather trousers. Sigh.

    1. This happened to me recently. I was working on a pretty nice crush, and then the first time we spend any one-on-one time together he went into a long diatribe about how a specific (marginalised) ethnic group was just the worst ever and everyone should just hate them. My ladyboner, he killed it. With racism.

      And the worst part was that we were in his car and he outweighs me by over 100 pounds, so I didn’t feel safe really pushing back against his astoundingly racist rant of racism so I just sat there, not saying much, until we finally got to my place and I could get the hell out of there.

    2. Pants Feelings B Gone cracked me right up. It’s so, so true, too. Sorry your crush got crushed like that, but I guess it’s a bullet dodged?

      Here’s to crushes on better people in the future!

      1. I would like to sell Pants-Feelings-B-Gone in a spray form, but I would not like “racism” to be one of the scents.

        1. I know, right? I thought pretty much the exact same thing on both counts. “I would buy actual Pants-Feeling-B-Gone spray! …Not if it IS actually white, middle-class dude privilege drippings.” ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

        2. I humbly submit some suggestions for potential Pants-Feelings-B-Gone scents:

          -Visible Booger
          -I Barfed Tequila on Your Stereo
          -What Died In Those Tennis Shoes
          -Will You Do My Laundry?
          -I Fed You Your Allergy

          1. I had a crush come to a party we hosted. He spilled a White Russian on our fancy six disc DVD player.

            But the DVD player had been broken at the time.

            And somehow the spilling, or the cleaning thereof, *fixed it*.

            Crush Not Averted.

          2. I Barfed Tequila on Your Stereo

            I actually, legitimately laughed out loud at this in the middle of a cafe, and have been giggling about it ever since.

          3. @ Ethyl – that totally happened to me, and I was so mad about it! The CD player never worked the same again, and each time it skipped after that, I was like, “Dammit, drunk dude!”

            If his barf had fixed the CD player, though, that might’ve been another story ๐Ÿ™‚

          4. – Eau de Frequently Yet Not Noticeably Drunk Guy, with top notes of “Last night when I said let’s go away together I was drunk but didn’t show it and now don’t remember speaking to you at all”
            – A lightly-scented “I don’t believe in bisexuality!”, which lingers after you have come out as bisexual

        3. I would like an unscented Pants Feelings B Gone for unwanted, unsuitable pants feelings as those towards:
          -Married/partnered folk in monogamous relationships
          -Coworkers and superiors
          -Professors (Looking at you, Dr. Statistics. No wait, not looking at you. Looking elsewhere).

          1. And Extra-Strength Pants Feelings B Gone for situations where you asked, they declined, and you want to still be friends, but they keep being ridiculously awesome and it’s super distracting.

  7. I don’t really have crushes anymore: just a truckload of ‘this could go somewhere’s where it’s not really worth risking the rapport for a bold move. 10 brodettes is worth more than 1 SO.

  8. I also have a celebrity crush right now…and he lives up the road from my friend…and goes jogging, shirtless, in front of her house. TIME FOR THE NAKED LEMONADE STAND.

        1. And also don’t naked-cook bacon for the following day’s breakfast.

          1. I once naked-stood-around-a-fire after skinny dipping. It was fine until some logs settled and sent sparks flying my way.

          2. I think unless someone is actually kinky and into fire play or stingy pain, both the citrus and the bacon are to be avoided.

            I’m into both, so BRING IT ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

          3. Fortunately my Sun-and-Stars is the primary breakfast-maker. I make approving noises and do the dishes.

        2. Seriously.

          My fantasy naked lemonade script:
          “Well, hello sir. You seem to have worked up a mighty thirst! Luckily I have just what you’re …craving.” [chicka-BAWM-BAWM]

          Reality naked lemonade script:
          “Wow! Hi!” [spills pitcher of lemonade all over myself] “Um.” [uncomfortable, never-ending tittering stalker-laughter]

          1. You forgot this part:

            “No, Officer, I don’t have ID *on me* per se…”

            [Naked Lemonade Stand should totally be your band name.]

      1. That sounds almost as delicious as the man-sweat I want to lick off his glistening chest.

  9. Heh, I’ve been working up the nerve to Tell My Crush this weekend (which is when I’ll next see her), so I guess this is a sign that I should go for it. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I am a grown adult who should know better, my ability to flirt/express romantic interest is about on the level of “I’ve got legs! D’you like bread?

    But we’ll see how it goes.

    1. For what it’s worth, NK, I would be utterly charmed if someone chatted me up with Eddie Izzard quotes and a French loaf. Good luck!

        1. I recently had a surprise!crush on a STATISTICIAN, despite the fact that I am the least mathematical creature to ever have roamed this earth. He was very hilarious (he made a joke when we were playing pool and I had to forfeit my shot because otherwise I would have ripped the pool table cloth with my laughter-shaking hands) and smart and lovely (all things which I would expect to find myself attracted to) but also akimbo-awkward and balding and a MATHEMATICIAN (things which I would not expect to find myself attracted to). In a fit of the sort of idiocy that comes with having a crush on someone who is utterly lovely and hilarious and comfortableness-inspiring, I told him about my surprise! that I could have a crush! on a statistician! And that such a crush was an outlier! That the probability hadn’t been high but nevertheless, it was so! And that I hoped he wasn’t MEAN, and there was nothing AVERAGE about him.

          Thankfully he just laughed – very much AT me, and kissed me on the head. And there was face-on-face action. And it was good.

          Proof that not even the flailingest verbal flailing is a deal-breaker, provided that both parties dig each other. Ya canny?

          1. Actually, I think he actually laughed and said, “Wow. I feel flattered. With language skills like that, it’s really lucky you’re not a professional writer.” (I am a professional writer. And I leered, “It’s all backhanded compliments with me, baby.” And THEN he kissed me.

            So really, what I’m saying is that if someone is into you, then even playful digs about their profession and terrible punnage can still work.

    2. It’s my experience that if I’m feelin’ it with someone, no amount of awkwardness on their part will ruin it, and if I’m not, no amount of smooth talking will bring it about. It’s there or it’s not and telling your crush isn’t about making them feel it too, it’s about finding out if they do.

    3. O lord. That’s a great video. I too have legs and like bread and actually just recently got hit on by someone on my celebrity-would-totally-fuck-if-I-got-a-chance list and DIDN’T REALIZE IT until the next morning. In what universe does that happen? At least I got a great story for parties……

  10. I’m currently doing the poly thing and have a girlfriend, and I have a crush on monogamous boy who has mentioned to more than one person that he does not enjoy casual sex. I’m also about 95% sure that he isn’t attracted to me, because I’ve brought up my interest in him before and just got “thanks, that’s flattering” in response. Also, he’s an anxious mess, which I find a bit endearing, but is also probably a terrible thing to invite into my life right now, even if he WERE interested.

    So yea. There’s a long list of reasons why my crush SHOULD NOT and WILL NOT ever be anything more than a crush. And frankly, I’d like my brain to stop reminding me *how fricken adorable* he is all the time, mostly because we run in roughly the same circles and the constant pinging of my amazing-sexy-person-radar is really getting old.

    1. Oh, sympathies! I am doing the poly thing and have a guy partner, and I have several ongoing crushes on lovely women in my social circle. (@Jake – creative people being awesome together, OH YES. Add in some general existential navelgazing and baseline sexual frustration, and boom! Random pantsfeeling bombs all over the place!)

      However, they are all straight and monogamous. Thank you, pants, yes, I’ve noticed that she’s awesome. Her too. And them. SHUT UP NOW PLEASE.

  11. I’ve been a crushing machine lately. I started doing improv, and there is something about watching creative people being awesome together that just gets my motor running. Rowr! It’s worse than when I was an undergrad crushing on all my profs.

    I’m in a monogamous relationship so I’m not going to do anything other than admire, enjoy some flirty back and forth, and hopefully build some awesome friendships (which is not to say friend zones)

    1. “Watching creative people being awesome together.” I totally get that and it’s usually the reason for my many crushes. Like celeb crushes, I’m attracted to brilliant actors, even if many don’t consider them physically attractive. I also get riled up when people demonstrate some awesome capable-ness, like a cool skill. I also had crushes on my profs for that reason lol.

      Also, if you can make me laugh – more crushiness. I’m also in monogamous relationship so it’s all fun admiration for me, which I think is nice because I can admire and celebrate someone, and hopefully turn it into a friendship, like you said.

    2. It’s my theory that crushing is just you hardwiring’s way of getting you to hang out with cool people you have a decent chance of emulating. I wish I’d figured this out when I was fretting about my s/o’s “emotional affairs”! Or that my s/o had, instead of assuming it was undying love…

  12. I celebrated this a day early, by setting boundaries with a friend in a relationship because of FEELINGS. That went as well as could be expected (I was right about the reason things never happened between us, he does not hate me, and he’s going to stop complaining to me about his girlfriend). We’ll see where this goes/ if I’m able to maintain our former platonic closeness. I don’t know.

  13. Ooh my, crushes. I have a bunch. All of which I will not approach because I’m in a monogamous relationship. But damn, sexy men and sexy women and I will just watch them be awesome via the internet.

  14. Grad school classmate crush. Happily married with three adorable small children (and I really like and respect their spouse, so no, not telling). Moving on to another program in another state (as am I — not the same one). Over the last two years this person has made me up my scholarly game and make concerted efforts to be a nicer person — they’re just one of those people who brings out the best in everybody. I’ll miss them (and family) like hell.

  15. Met sexy boy on Internet. Sexy boy just wants to be boning friends, which was originally what I was looking for. So I’d be the terribad game-changer. Phooey. Pantsfeelings are fine; it’s the other ones that are all the trouble. Solution: lie through teeth. Drink more whiskey.

    1. My advice is please don’t lie through your teeth. You will hurt so much more than if you are a terribad game changer!

    2. Yeah, I second M Dubz’s advice. Sleeping with someone while pretending you have no romantic feelings is a perfect recipe for crazy ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      If you don’t want to be the terribad game-changer, maybe you should consider breaking things off with your boning friend for reasons of feelings. I’m sure he’d understand…

  16. Big props and Jedi hugs(if wanted) for all of you commenters with sweet-sad crush stories and healthy respectful boundaries for your crushees! You are awesome.

  17. My current crush is on Tyler Posey, the lead in “Teen Wolf.” I don’t need to tell him that—I assume it’s obvious from how often I tweet to him or mention him on Twitter and the blogs I’ve posted about it. I used to feel guilt about it because I’m older (10 years older than him!) and should know better, but came to the realization that it’s just a harmless distraction and that I’m grounded enough to know that nothing will come out of it.

    When I was younger I used to have ridiculous crushes on guys in my real life that never turned out well, and I’ll admit that most of it was my fault. Blame it on being young, dumb, and insecure. I haven’t had a real-life non-celebrity crush in ages, but if the right guy comes along and we click, I’ll gladly end the celebrity crushing.

    Surprisingly enough, though it may seem that I have a one-track mind involving this crush, I’ve got a lot of things going on with me and am too busy living my life.

    1. All of my crushes right now are celebrity crushes, which I am absolutely loving. For about ten years, I had constant torch-bearing crushes on real guys that I could never approach, and it really sucked. And by I can’t approach people like that,* I mean the one time I actually considered asking a crush out for coffee? Had a mild panic attack. So, I love celebrity crushes!!

      *Without a lot of working up to it or role playing with friends or encouragement from him. I’m sure I could if my life depended on it, just not for much else XD

  18. I told my crush a few months ago, after about five years. It was/is the older brother of my ex-boyfriend, so that’s one of the main reasons I didn’t tell him earlier. But now we were both single at the same time, and I decided I ought to do something about it. And this blog really helped me to keep myself from getting ridiculous with Feelings.

    Actually, l’m extremely proud of how I handled things. I managed to tell him in a way that was both honest to the wag I felt about him and without putting any demands on him. We talked a lot about it over a week or so, kissed a bit, and sadly he decided he loved me a lot but not in a relationship way. And I was really sad and heartbroken, but the thing is that I still felt good about it. Because I hadn’t done anything I regretted. I had kept myself from begging and attempting emotional blackmail. So even though it still hurts a bit to think of him, and l’ll have to keep some distance untilI get over him a bit more, I get to keep the very good friendship we’ve always had.

    So thank you for all the good advice!

  19. Dear crushes,


    (And in at least one instance in possession of an IRL possibly very unhealthy mindset)


    1. Seriously. Especially on the whole “would not actually be that fun in real life” (Roland Deschain and Spider Jerusalem, I am looking at you!).

      Can I confess that I once had an actual sex dream about a totally fictional person?

      1. That’s awesome! The only sex dream I’ve ever had was about a boyfriend back in middle school whom I wasn’t sexually attracted to in the slightest and it was incredibly disappointing. I’ve tried my best to have a different once since, but with no luck. Most of my crushes are fictional or celebrities these days, which is convenient because no IRL drama and with me studying abroad a lot this upcoming year, I don’t need any of that. I am content to nurse my crushes on Pip Bernadotte, Remy LeBeau, Gaspard Ulliel, and Eoin Macken in peace.

      2. I’ve had dreams like that too. Once it was with an anime character…so that was interesting…but still enjoyable! ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. My biggest crush right now isn’t something I can really act on (minor local celebrity who has a boyfriend in a monogamous relationship) BUT that’s ok! I think it’s more of an “I love your brain and want to stare at your face” crush than a real “I should date you” one. It’s just a happy from-afar admiration. =)

    I guess I’ve already acted on it, but a little while ago a friend who I’ve been pretty heavily flirting with online came to my town and managed to squeeze me into her really busy schedule for about an hour, during which she bought me coffee and hand-fed me some of a donut (which isn’t something I would have EVER guessed I would enjoy before she asked if she could), and we both admitted we’d been flirting with each other pretty shamelessly on twitter. There was some momentary smooching and I asked if I could take her out for a proper date next time she’s in town, so… I guess that’s going to happen?
    The fact that I had a crush on her at all kind of snuck up on me, which was kind of fun. =)

  21. Sigh. . . I’m still recovering from a bad crush that did not go well. A coworker wanted to be friends and hang out! We /were/ friends, and I thought we were getting rather close! The crush got worse as we spent more time together! Then I asked him out! He said no, in a kind way!

    Aaaand everything went in the crapper from there, due mostly to a hideous flaring-up of depression. Now we are back to being friendly coworkers, I think, but sadly neither partners nor friends. Could be worse, but it’s not great.

    I am not sure how managing this sucker will go, as there is a non-zero chance I will be continuing on in this place for one to five years. . . As for other crushes, I think I might have a small one, but my internal compass is so fucked up from the bad winter that I can’t be sure. And unfortunately he’s also someone I see every day (bug not a feature — if he says no it makes so.much.harder for me not to obsess,) and I think sensibly speaking we don’t have much in common (he’s just nice and nice-looking and funny) so I. . . don’t feel very confident in pursuing that. (Also I haven’t been in a ‘relationship’ for six and a half years, so I would not exactly know what to do even if he said yes.)

    Um. . . so. . . I guess this will be. . . having a crush on myself. . . day!

    1. Prescription for a Crushing On Self Day:

      Write a list of three compliments….about yourself.
      Do something that makes you feel good in your body. A walk on a nice day? A massage? Soaking your feet in warm water & epsom salts after a long day? Sex for one?
      If you’re overdue for a haircut or other grooming/self-care stuff get that done.
      Take yourself to dinner or a nice lunch with a book or go to the movies by yourself and get lost in the story.
      Call or hang a friend who always makes you feel great about yourself.

        1. Hang OUT with a friend. OUT.

          Hanging a friend is for Evil Dictator Self-Appreciation Day. That’s in November.

      1. Hmm. . . this may be crush-on-myself week, then. Though I did take a glorious bike ride yesterday when I could have been working, so that was a little act of self-love resulting in a feeling of self-you-are-awesome-at-going-up-this-hill right there.

        1. Heh, yeah, I live a crush-on-myself life 99% of the time. I went to the gym yesterday when I should’ve been catching up on homework and it was glorious. I hadn’t been in a couple of weeks and they had been the Couple Of Weeks From Hell, so it felt good to get to do that again.

  22. Damn! I didn’t know about this holiday and my crush just left to go to town for a week. I did tell him that he needed to be careful and that I was worried about him driving on bad roads.

    I have had tons of crushes before but nothing near this intense. He has a really beautiful mouth and light brown eyes. He isn’t afraid to admit that he likes Jane Austen and he asks me what I’m thinking about all the time. He has such cute hair that sticks up all the time. Honestly, I don’t know what it is about him, but I’m ridiculously in lust with this person.

    I did try to tell him once that I like him when we were both really drunk at six in the morning but surprise! I went about it in completely the wrong way. I was desperately afraid of coming on too strong so instead I came off as being only interested in sex with him or something. And then he said that he’s still kind of hung up on “a significant ex” (well he sort of mumbled it because he was half passed out on the couch at the time) and I left and we haven’t talked about it since.

    I’ve never acted on crushes before because I’ve always thought that the risk of humiliating myself was way too great. But the thought that we might go our separate ways and he’ll never think about me again makes me feel terrified and physically ill. I don’t know what to do! I feel so happy when I’m around him but I wish I hadn’t met him so I could go back to normal.

    OK! WOW! I wasn’t expecting to do this tonight but I do feel a little better now.

  23. I’ve been watching the latest season of MMA-based reality show The Ultimate Fighter. Hellooooo, Uriah Hall! There’s something about being (literally!) kickass and humble at the same time that gets to me. Would I tell him? Heck no. Even with Twitter and all that internet wonderfulness, it’d feel like crossing the fourth wall. Plus I hear he’s really shy, which just adds to my crush.

    (If you google him you’ll see some scary pics but everyone were ultimately fine after the fights.)

    1. OMG, watching that programme is utter magnificence. Giant, muscly (but not terrifyingly so), talented, strong, athletic guys walking around with their tops off and then talking (and sometimes weeping gently) about how much they miss their families and just want to achieve good things for their sons/daughters/mums/grandmas?! It is almost the perfect programme. MMA training and FEELINGS are a great mix! Uriah Hall is lovely but I have a special place in my heart for Dylan Andrews and Kelvin Gastellum I have to say.

      In fact, my MMA crushes are a list that has no end. Dominic Cruz, Ian McCall, Chan Sung Jung, Anthony Pettis, Jose Aldo, Donald Cerrone… Essentially, if you’re 145lbs or under, then we need to have long chats leant up against gym walls, both of us sweaty and worn out but just catching our breath before heading back into training, sharing techniques and…

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    2. Oooh, he’s a beauty! I watched this show socially, too, back a few years ago when I was in college. The night of the week it aired was board game night in a mixed gender group of friends. We’d play games and drink with the TV on in the background–Glee first and then we’d switch it over to The Ultimate Fighter. It really is a fun show to watch, for all the reasons TheJackdaw said.

  24. My crush knows, and is in favour of seeing where this can go. However everything is on hold right now because of reasons (that would identify me). Wish me luck?

    1. Things with my crush are on hold, too (I haven’t told her explicitly because of reasons, although if she doesn’t strongly suspect by now I’ve been doing something very wrong). Things may get better in a few months, but I’m not sure.

      So good luck! I hope things work out for you.

  25. Oh man. I probably should have a Conversation with my totally awesome much younger friend who I probably don’t actually want to date but am totally attracted to and who just recently started acting Super Awkward around me. But probably not until after finals, despite the convenient holiday. Never a dull moment ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. Being asexual, I very rarely crush. What I do quite a lot is squish. That’s sort of like a friend-crush; it’s not romantic, because it doesn’t involve wanting to get into that sort of relationship, but there are still a lot of shiny bouncy “I want to spend a lot more time with this person because they are awesome” feelings going on.

    So… dear Robin Blaze, you are not only the singer I totally want to be, but you are also sweet and funny and I will never forget the way you helped my best friend get through his depression when I wasn’t able to do much due to living so far away. And I want to give you lots of big affectionate ace-hugs and feed you with cake. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. YES, this!!! I am experiencing the same thing but didn’t know what it was because it’s not romantic. I am seriously squishing on my friend. I am married and straight and he is in a relationship and gay. No pants or romantic feelings whatsoever, but very strong feelings of affection, trust, and admiration. A squish!

    2. Yes! Thank you for this. HUGE squish on a friend/coworker at uni, and I just want us to be bffs and hang out all of the time because we like all of the same things in very similar ways and when we are together/with groups of friends it is the greatest.

      Except she just graduated and moved across the state. So hopefully that will help with the intensity of feelings once the sad feels are gotten past. We will still be friends! And there will always be more friends!

    3. I think “squish” might just be the best way to describe this sort of feeling I have ever heard.

    4. I am totally squishing on a coworker right now! He’s smart and funny and we like a lot of the same things, but I have zero interest in it turning into anything like a relationship. It’s just fun to be around him and talk about ALL THE THINGS.

      1. Yes, I think you just nailed it for me as to why I have such strong feelings for my friend. We can talk about anything and everything!

    5. Thank you for this word! A great description of how I feel about several people right now, I just want them in my life for fun-filled adventures. ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Not really having any “real” crushes at the moment, but I’m having a little bit of a counselor crush. I instantly liked this man the moment I laid eyes on him and we clicked like I’ve never clicked with a counselor, therapist or the like before. He’s a good-looking man, but I think the pantsfeelings are mainly a result of being seen and heard and feeling safe and cared about. It felt so intense and intensely safe when he would hold my gaze for such a long time without letting go. I can’t help but contrast that with my ex boyfriend who would always avoid looking me in the eye, because of his depression I assume. I could never feel completely safe with him.

    I have met Hot Counselor only two times and that will probably be it (he has a sort of first-stop kind of role), unless I run into him at the supermarket or so. I kind of hope I will and at the same time I don’t. He also gave me his number in case things don’t work out with my journey to therapy and I get stuck.

    The liking and interpersonal connection was probably mutual (and I really hope I can get that with my future therapist as well). Perhaps the pantsfeelings were also mutual, I am an attractive woman, but either way that’s a road not to travel.

    Nevertheless, I’ll allow myself to keep dreaming a bit. It’s a good reminder of what I need and value in relationships and in life.

  28. In the last few weeks, several people I was crushing on turned out to also be crushing on me.
    One particular boy admitted to wanting a relationship with me and I was suddenly filled with an overwhelming feeling of “YES! This should definitely happen”. With the several others who all mysteriously chose around about the same time to talk to me about it I thought “That would be nice and I could see a relationship between us working out and being good for us” but without the feeling that this was an opportunity I couldn’t miss. With particular pretty boy, I could both see things going well *and* felt like it was entirely the good and right thing to do.

    So now me and pretty boy are a Thing but I turned the other people down even though I would be quite happy to be in relationships with them. If they still want to date me in a few months, maybe I’ll try then but if they don’t that’s okay too.

  29. I told my crush Sunday night. Not surprisingly, she was not surprised, but she wasn’t interested in going any further than we already are, either (car-pooling to dances, telling me about group hikes, occasional telephone calls about how our lives are going.)

    One problem with telling your crush when (s)he is not interested in reciprocating is that afterwards you always worry that you’ll express too many of your feelings and make them fear that you aren’t accepting their request to be just friends.

    I recently responded to an E-mail that she sent which said how much she valued me as a friend by saying that our friendship was “like a flame which lights and warms me when the days are dark” (I’ve been having health troubles and troubles with my son.) Not sure if that was TMI; I haven’t seen a response yet.

    1. That’s always the worry – that it will be weird somehow, and the affection that you share with a friend will be seen as having an ulterior motive. The prescription is: Give yourself a little time to grieve the fantasy and reset your expectations. Don’t put pressure on yourself to go back to having no feelings but somehow being perfectly able to maintain the exact same friendship. Hang out with other friends, throw yourself into work for a couple of weeks. If you need to, tell the crush what’s up – “I’m sure everything will be fine and normal in a couple of weeks, but I need a week or so to let everything feel less weird, is that ok?”

      Friendships can survive this stuff, I swear.

  30. I’m in a monogamous long-distance relationship and have a crush on someone who isn’t my boyfriend. I decided to just admire this guy from a distance. However, I’ve got a long history of excessive Firthing (true story: my High Scool crush and I were Firthing each other for years, everyone knew, still nothing happened), so this might end with me being totally creepy…

  31. My crush is a work crush and I’m not going to say anything at all, but he is really awesome. And smart. And calm. And he has very excellent hands. Sigh!

  32. Dear Artisan Salted Caramels

    I will leave my husband for you. No lie*

    *Had a job interview for a position at a chocolate company and they sent me home with a box of treats!

    1. Oooh! Also.

      Dear Floki

      Yes, you are fictional. But I still want to snuggle you every time you do that little giggle you do.

  33. Oh.
    Crushes. Guh.
    I had one on a customer at my job, and I was way too obvious (and creepy! I cry thinking about my creepiness) about it. And then I didn’t see him for a month or so until the other day and my feelings are gone, for the most part.
    And then there’s this guy I see around campus all the time, but he has a gf. Now I just want to be friends so I can tell him how adorable he is – in a totally platonic way. Heh

  34. He’s brilliant! He likes all the things I like! He’s intensely charming! He’s astoundingly talented! He’s hilarious! He’s one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen! He dresses in a way that is utterly delicious! He lives across the Atlantic Ocean from me! He is almost twice my age! He is not interested in relationships and we’d mix like oil and water! He’s gay!

    My crush is as desperate as it is hopeless.

    1. Those brilliant people! The desperately hopelessly incompatible situations (except for the ways you’re not!) are the worst.

  35. I am in this awkward spot of trying to work out whether or not I have a crush on a friend and if I do whether it’s crushy enough to warrant doing something or whether he’s just nice and handsome and seems like a Good Candidate and I want to be in a relationship again sometime before being dead. And at the same time internet dating, and meeting people who are also rather cool, and one of whom looks a bit like David Tennant, but hot new unknown quantity versus not-qu ite-so-hot-but-still-pretty-damn-fine person-I-actually know… how do I do this? I am actually more terrified of getting a Yes from the friend and being OH SHIT I DON’T WANT THIS AFTER ALL ten minutes afterwards than I am of getting a No, so, uh, I think I’m going to muddle on a bit longer.

    1. Are you me? I am in this exact situation (minus thr Internet dating and David Tennant) . Good luck!

    2. I hope you are not me, because it is nice to believe I am not the only one who gets in these nonsensical brain-knots.

    3. I would say, Try things first with Internet Person (the attractive not-yet-friend), because if it works, then probably it will take precedence over thing-with-Attractive-Friend. And if it doesn’t work because you find yourself thinking about Attractive Friend, then you’ll have an answer to “do I want this friendship to be more.”

      Because you’re right, what you really don’t want is to get that Yes and finding out that your answer to friend is actually No.

      …man, “Ask for what you want” is GREAT advice! But knowing what you want can be hard! Still working on that one myself.

      1. I went on another date with Hot Internet Person recently. It was fine (well, actually, it was not fine, everything went comically wrong and I ended up tense and miserable but it wasn’t HIS fault) — and he continued to be Hot. But I found myself thinking “you are pretty and nice… but you don’t make me laugh and I’m beginning to suspect you’re a little boring, I mean, we like the same things but you don’t seem THAT bothered about them, in fact, you don’t seem that passionate about…anything.” (Hee – I think I found a Fake Geek Boy!) And yes, this led to comparisons with Hot Friend who DOES make me laugh and IS curious and interested in stuff. So that would appear to be another tick in Hot Friend’s column, but I probably need more data, unless I’m just being a coward. God, yes, knowing what you want is hard!

  36. I have a bit of a crush on my mega awesome crazy taiko teacher. He’s always doing something over-the-top, and honestly I can’t even look at him directly during classes since that one time he made so many faces and poses and random Japanese noises (“YOOOOoooo”) that I cracked up laughing in the middle of class and couldn’t even stand up for about ten minutes xD

    But I’m sure his wife and children are lovely, and my boyfriend is also pretty great, so never going to go there. But the feeling of having a crush is nice ๐Ÿ™‚

  37. Oh! I forgot!

    One of the new trainers at my gym is SO CUTE OMG. He is also very nice. And a good trainer, at lest as far as I can tell. But did I mention the cuteness?

    Of all the people to absolutely not mention a crush to, my trainer is at the top of the list. But ooooo boy does it make it nicer to come in to the gym.

  38. Dear Crush,

    We work in the same field. You are married and presumably straight and/or monogamous, but I think you’re a total fox and also a super genius.

    Keep being awesome,


  39. Oooohhhh, my husband’s best friend has been the source of much crushing since we met four years ago. He’s a teacher who introduced me to wonderful music, argues with me about everything I do, and is reeeeaaaaaalllllllyyyyyy attractive. Ski bum beardyness (and I usually hate beards). I’ve been with my husband since before I met this guy though, and he’s helped me out of a couple of tough jams with Hubby (in that he always offers a listening ear, plenty of liquor and a couch to sleep on) and I pretty much credit him for telling me not to break up with Hubby when we went through a rough patch before getting engaged. So he will forever be that Best Guy Friend who I enjoy flirting with but nothing will ever come of it. Le sigh.

    Also, Richard Hammond from Top Gear. He may be twice my age, but watching him drive a car gives me feelings.

  40. My crush is a co-worker and friend. We have both talked about how we feel =yes, want! …but he is married and couldn’t live with himself if he left his wife. In his mind divorce=bad father, bad person. I have tried my best to respect his wishes but it has now been six months and I’m still crushing. I even took a trip to the other side of the world to get some perspective and it helped…aand then I came back to work and there he was, spreading the awsome. My present course of action is to try and forgive myself for crushing so hard on this man, poor fella’ can’t help being the loveliest in the world and I can’t help but notice. I will keep my noticing to myself, though.

  41. I have a crush that I’ve been enjoying for a few years now. He’s a friend on the periphery and we don’t hang out too often (more in large gatherings of mutual friends). We casually flirt when we see each other, and its fun to be around him, and he’s super cute – but my pantsFEELS don’t go beyond the fleeting thought that it would be fun to make out with him. Also – I highly highly doubt we’d be compatible in a long-term Relationship, so it never goes further than friendly hugs and me enjoying his cute as hell beardy smile.

    It’s just fun to enjoy the interactions for what they are and its fun to know awesomefun people exist. ๐Ÿ™‚

  42. My crush, Mr Sexy Married With Children Coworker, started randomly telling me today about how he has everything he wants in his life but he’s not happy. And telling me about a friend of his whose husband was cheating on her.

    Itemising my mental confusion:
    1. I am awkward and withdrawn with my coworkers so we are not really close enough for that conversation?
    2. Though he sometimes has ADDish mannerisms so it could have been a random moment of blurtiness?
    3. I totally have a crush on him and I think he probably knows. (It’s mostly just about his body. He has a terrific body. Which he definitely knows.)
    4. He looks at my tits fairly blatantly and even did a whistling noise out loud when he was standing in front of my desk and I was wearing a top that was slightly low cut, (and a very effective bra.) And he muttered “wiggle wiggle” when I was walking down the corridor.
    5. That sounds absolutely awful and it did make me feel awkward but the ADDish mannerisms mentioned above made me not interpret it as harassment or anything, it’s more like a lack of filter? It wasn’t like he was doing it AT me. It was more like he accidentally did it aloud. (Also the looking at tits thing is fair, because I look at his body all the time. He sometimes wanders round in running gear.)
    6. I’m not going to interpret 4 as meaning actual sexual interest. I just have big tits. But I still think there might be sexual interest there. He’s made jokes about affairs (in front of me, to colleagues) that seemed random even for him, and I connected it with him possibly idly thinking along those lines.
    7. I do not under any circumstances want to actually DO anything with a guy who is married with young children. I didn’t think he was the type who would cheat either.
    8. I’d like to be friends with him though. I’m not totally sure how to go about letting down my barriers with my coworkers .
    9. And I don’t know if that conversation today was friendly or if it was indicative of a danger zone where he might actually make a move, which would be terrible.
    10. But I don’t think he’s like that.

    The only obvious conclusion here is that I need to get laid. With someone who is not my sexy married coworker, naturally. Apart from that I am confused and a bit unsure how to interact with him.

    I don’t know whether to post this as it’s long, but hey, if you read this far and didn’t like it, it’s your own fault. Oh, and if there’s any obvious answer screaming out of the subtext that I should be aware of let me know!

    1. He sounds kind of sketchy to me, almost as if he’s pulling a “I’m trapped in an unhappy marriage and I’m going to leave my wife any day now, so please have sex with me” on you. Except he’s trying to be subtle about it by implying it instead out outright saying it.
      Of course, I’m just a stranger on the internet smelling his evil intentions by reading a comment on a blog. It’s possible I’m completely wrong about it. But if you’re confused and unsure how to interact with him, it’s okay to hang back and admire him from afar for a while. That way you’re not accusing him of anything, you’re not hurting him in the least, there’s no gossip and you can sort out how you feel about the situation and how you want to proceed.
      It’s good that you have good boudaries and that you know you would never want to be an accomplice in adultery. Hold on to that, it will keep you from getting hurt. *hugs*

      1. It’s possible he’s not totally sketchy, but you’re not the only one getting that vibe. “Oh, rescue me from unhappiness, pretty and understanding lady! Start with rescuing this boner” is the way a lot of affairs start.

    2. Subtext: that guy is a sleazy a*@hole who is seriously inappropriate in a work context. ADD doesn’t account for it! Unless all his thoughts and comments are coming out “unfiltered”, including non-sexual ones and ones directed to male colleagues! If he’s old enough to be married with kids he should have the “lack of verbal filter that seems to come out in the form of inappropriate flirting bordering on sexual harassment with colleagues” under control! He totally seems like he would cheat on his wife and you are using the “he’s not really a cheater, he just comments on my breasts inappropriately in the workplace and hints at affairs and mentions his unhappiness” mentality so as to not have to get out of that dude’s path.

    3. Thanks everyone who replied! I appreciate it. I want to think you’re wrong but there must be a reason why I wrote the comment in a way that conveyed this sort of impression. Maybe my subconscious has been collating warning signs and wanted me put on notice.
      I still like and enjoy him, (and his running gear,) but I’ll be on guard and be careful not to be flirty with him.

  43. Oh gosh, I have crushes on and off on every man in my life and a few of the women too.
    Currently, these are my ongoing crushes. Keep in mind that I’m happily married and there is absolutely no way any of these are going anywhere.

    1. Coworker who makes me laugh, teases me, and compliments me. I think we’ve got a bit of a mutual fun crush going on, but since we’re both married it feels safe.

    2. Coworker downstairs who wears super cool earrings and is geeky and smart and funny.

    3. This is the crush that is torturing me. It’s another coworker, who is tall and smart and articulate and thoughtful and omg so smart and good at listening. I would say that we are very close friends and I just adore him. I would be mortified if he ever found out. He is devoted to his wife and there is no universe where this could ever be okay. I’m also pretty convinced that we would be totally incompatible romantically. Nevertheless we have arranged our schedules so that we can have lunch together every day. Have I also mentioned that he is significantly younger than I? Argh. At this point, I’m just waiting desperately for this to fade into just being fond of him.

  44. I didn’t tell my crush but he already knows and we are in the middle of making our friendship work despite of my pantsfeelings that won’t go away and my sads that won’t go away either. We both really like eachother and actually want to be good friends but right now it is really really fucking hard.

  45. Oh, attractive classics student in my Latin seminar, I should probably not find your bad puns so attractive.

    This crush can only be good, because even if I don’t get anywhere with you, the knowledge of your presence inspires me to work harder so I don’t humiliate myself in class in front of you.

  46. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know about this in advance, or I’d’ve used it as an excuse to procrastinate even longer than I already had.

    But I already T’d my C a few weeks ago (hearing the voices of Awkardeers in my head the whole while, and advice to Not Let it Fester, and telling Jerkbrain to STFU).

    And I am pleased to report that, along with other boons and pleasantries, face on face time is now easily into double digit hours. c:

  47. Hm, I feel kinda overwealmed posting to long threads BUT the summer camp that I work for has a “Crush Confession Day” in which a box appears in which you can write a note to your crush. However, what this ends up being is “write people you think are cool notes to this effect day” rather than actual crushes. Also, for the staff, it ends up being “increase the confidence of the cool but shy campers day”.

  48. There are crushes I have that stress me out to think about, so today I will just leave my positive crush.

    My dear, dear cisboy coworker – we crushed on each other HARD when we first met. We’ve never actually talked about it, but I was so, so, so enamored with him and I think he felt the same way. But it wasn’t appropriate to do anything about it and I’m unsure about my pants feelings for cisdudes. Now we’ve sort of simmered down and become friends but still, I think, have some version of those “Oh god you are so cool and beautiful” feelings towards other.

    One of the most meaningful things about this crush is that right now I present as a ciswoman, but think constantly about transitioning to male. One of my fears, though, is that if I ever want to be romantic with cismen again, none of them will be attracted to me. Me and coworker have talked enough about queerness that I think he would still be attracted to me post-transition, which, even though it is unlikely that we’ll ever be able to do anything about it, feels like a beacon of light in my heart and eases one of the aches of this questioning process.

  49. Man, wish I knew about this around a year ago, I’d run into a girl on my course, and I thought she was kinda awesome, and we’d started hanging out a bit. It’s of course at that point that my mates catch wind of all this (for I’m not a terribly subtle person at times), and thanks primarily to me not having the guts to tell her how I felt, it all turned into a bit of a joke a little quickly. These days I don’t really feel the same way about her, maybe it was all just silly infatuation. Honestly no clue how she felt about me. I’m sure it won’t be long before I step in the FEELINGS beartrap again.

  50. Late to the party, but I kind of want to burble on about the two occupying my mind, since I’ve nowhere else to really talk about them. I’m generally pretty decent about ‘nadding up and telling people I like how I feel, so no appropriate crushes I need to tell – just the inappropriate ones I shouldn’t. :p

    Like the married coworker who is totally not my physical type at aaallll, but his competence and intensity and willingness to include and talk to me is I think what made me start thinking lusty thoughts, instead of being triggered by physical hotness. (I will never mention it, because I like his wife a lot and I doubt they swing, and anyway I’m not attracted to her, but it is a nice buzz.) Or, well, the multiple married folks that I find pretty – not enough to really have feelings over it, just enough to appreciate having them in my field of vision and look at them maybe a little more often than strictly necessary.

    And then there’s the coworker that I did drunkenly admit my attraction to him and his beautiful wife, who responded warmly with, “Well… you’d have to persuade , but we have done things like that before.” Since then we’ve continued to flirt off-and-on, though nothing actually crossing any lines. I am unsure if he told his wife, or if he’s literally waiting for me to broach the subject, and am not entirely sure I really want to change the balance of the situation right now. I kind of like the safe-but-unresolved sexual tension, but on the other hand, um, lust.

    … it doesn’t help that the above two work extensively together, so I see them heads together all the time. It does make me smile, though.

  51. Hi. So I didn’t actually do it on the right day, I told my crush a while before. But the fallout came today, we had a talk because he has been hard to reach for a while now and I was wondering why. Apperently he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. And in one week we will be living together. Fun!
    I hope the rest of you had better luck. I just lost my best friend in this tiny place I’ll be living in for the next two years.

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