Dear Captain Awkward,
I feel this is essentially a non-question, and you will just tell me to “use my words”. But I think I need to hear it, so bear with me please.
I am 19 years old, and attending university. All my life I have been a nerd of the science/tech variety, but I never had any problems navigating social events. I am rather outgoing, and generally not awkward, but rather perceived as witty (if a bit snarky), knowledgeable and fun to be around. Yet up until now never did I draw a girl’s attention towards me (except for being interested in friendship, which is not a bad thing in itself) – and I did not really try to because those I were into were in relationships already. But lately there is this girl in my social circle I keep running into at parties. She is beautiful, with a sense of humor I can connect with and a relaxed attitude to life that mirrors my own. In short, I like her very much. After we met a few times, and had quite a great time talking and drinking and just being there with the others, at one occasion she kissed me. We made out a bit further on that evening, but a mutual aquaintance began drunkenly insulting her (erm…don’t ask, he is another story) whenever no one else was listening, so she left. And this is where the awkwardness begins: We couldn’t see each other for over a month, for reasons none of us could influence, and when we met again, both of us behaved as if nothing happened (I had convinced myself she wasn’t really into me for whatever reason, and whatever she thought, I don’t know) This continued until recently, where we walked along a street at night and she just turned to me and kissed me again. And again. And for the rest of the night (which continued through several bars) we made out and talked and just seemed to everyone watching like a newly formed couple (according to my friends observations, at least). I still didn’t know what to think of this, and when we met again at a party a few days later, the same thing happened. I sat beside her, she leaned against me, and we kissed.
And since then, no communication whatsoever has been exchanged between us. It is a bit awkward, for I do not know her number (which she is reluctant to give out due to some quirk), but we can (and have in the past) chat on facebook. Every single thing (from “wanna meet sometime” to “I like you, do you want to go out next Friday”) sounds utterly dumb in my ears, and I cannot make myself send any message to her. Even the thought of it makes the butterflies in my intestines go rogue, and I sit hours in front of my computer just staring at the screen and trying to overcome this irrational barrier that holds me back.
Any advice for an unexperienced coward? (Note that I do not have any fear to contact other people, this just occurs whenever crushes or sex or romance enter into the equation)
Oh, buddy. We got this.
Consider a few things for me:
1. What is the best thing that can happen here if you write to her? Answer: KISSPLOSIONS
2. What is the worst thing that can happen if you write to her? Answer: A pterodactyl swoops down from above, snatching her up, and cutting your doomed love short. Nuclear war and or other apocalypse. Let me point out that these unlikely events would in no way be caused by your contacting her, they would simply be “I wanted to go out with you but oh shit, apocalypse! If we both survive I’m definitely taking you to dinner, though” situations.
3. What is the worst thing that is likely to happen if you write to her? Answer: She had fun kissing you but is over it now. Which, you could totally bounce back from if this were the case, and knowing would at least get you away from staring at a blank screen feeling like a jerk.
So, armed with the worst- and best-case scenarios, email this lady! She is waiting for you to email. She is wondering aloud to her friends why you don’t email. She put her face on your face more than once. Her work here is done. It is definitely your turn.
Let’s Cyrano your de Bergerac:
Do you have some time this weekend to go on a date with me? I would really love to see you.”
One salutation and two short sentences stand between you and the possibility of something amazing. Send them! You can do it.