Dear Captain Awkward:
I found a private message on my husbands fb. ( i wasnt snooping, our son (4yrs) had his phone and has posted on fb before, if i was snooping i would say so.) He had a conversation with an old friend from h.s. during the convo she wanted to send him photos but was scared he wouldnt like them. He said she didnt have to send them but she shouldn’t be scared. Meaning he would accept them. And she sent him nude photos. He swears he never opened them but complimented her anyway on their hotness, which she is not btw. I believe him thru his tears and knowing i would leave if he lied. She asked if i would be attending the reunion next year, so she knows hes married. She stated she wants to hook up then and get hot and heavy. There were other words also to describe her physical reaction to him. He didnt agree but did lead her on by not saying no. We plan to compose a message together ending their interaction but i want to send her a message expressing my displeasure of her attempting to fuck my husband and ruin my marriage. Please help! What should i say to her that wont be illegally threatening, but will get my point across??
I know you’re really angry at this woman and dying to deliver just the right amount of soul-crushing fuck you, but you can’t make your husband not have screwed up here by magically transferring all of your anger to her. Whatever, he didn’t start the flirtation, but he was a bit of a dipshit here and he got busted. Sticking your claws in her won’t actually change that and will just leave you engaged with someone you don’t want in your life. Plus it will give her proof that she got under your skin.
My suggested message to her from your husband is some version of:
“I’m sure you meant your photos and flirtations to be in good fun, but trust me that they were fun for no one once my wife and four-year-old son accidentally discovered them. I should have been more clear that I wasn’t interested and that they were crossing a pretty big line for me and my family, and for that I am sorry. I’m sure you’ll understand I don’t keep up these e-conversations going forward.”
Like, he should DEFINITELY let her know that the pictures didn’t reach only their intended audience, which might actually do her the favor of delivering the message that PICTURES OF YOUR JUNK = FRAUGHT WITH PERIL, DEFINITELY SLEEP ON IT BEFORE SENDING. He should definitely own his part in being a dipshit and encouraging her, and then he should de-friend & block her and start thinking of ways to make it up to you. And she should feel embarrassed as hell.
There’s no message you can give her about The Supposed Sanctity of Marriage that’s going to win you points here. Think of it this way: Your husband sounds like a pretty non-confrontational dude. If you buy his version of events, he was just trying to not embarrass this lady by appearing to go along with her nefarious plans. If you step in and go all apeshit on her, or even send her a “Nice vagina you have there….NOT!” message, it lets him abdicate his part in it because the womenfolk will work it out and he can still try to be the good guy who was just caught in the middle of “this drama.” Make it 100% his problem to handle and go back to the world where she doesn’t exist for you.