Thank you

to whoever created this .gif:

"I don't know what my feelings are doing" Benedict Cumberbatch

I keep bookmarking neat things and mean to post a nice link roundup.

Why Women Need To Stop Apologizing For Everything, from In Our Words.

Work Made For Hire (a brilliant site for anyone who freelances at anything) deconstructs “Fake It ‘Til You Make It.”

I loved this Scarleteen article on 10 of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self At Any Age.

And, with some heartbreaking honesty, comic Chris Gethard writes to a fan who is considering suicide. Obvious trigger warnings (he describes some of his own experiences in detail). I’ve never seen a minute of this guy’s comedy, but this piece is well worth a read.

6 comments
  1. OMG that GIF = my life right now. Feelings, WTF are you doing? Please, I do not understand.

  2. I went to all the links and enjoyed them, and yeah, the .gif is totally cool. But the best link of all, for me, was the one where Chris Gethard responds to an anonymous fan who is thinking of suicide. It was breathtaking. I was not aware of Gethard’s existence before this, but I am now and I can’t thank you enough, Captain, for drawing my attention. I’ve been in those dark places, too. Right On Target. Wow.

  3. KaiEm said:

    BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH zomg I am having paroxysms of squee right now.

    I thought the “why women need to stop apologizing” was very interesting. I apologize unnecessarily and do plenty of “hedging”. I really struggle with sounding confident and saying “this is wrong; look, I fixed it for you” instead of “I’m sorry to bother, and I could be wrong about this, but I think you made a mistake….” Too much hedging undermines people’s confidence in me, even though I know 100% what I’m doing–I just for some reason can’t bring myself to say it flat out?

    One of the commenters said “I’m so sick of women who continually apologize for everything … it makes them look weak (especially to men).” That just made me angry. I mean… yes, it’s true, but to pose it like it’s some character flaw… I don’t know, the tone was angry at women instead of sympathetic of a kind of verbal tic.

  4. Stephanie2 said:

    I like the points made in the article deconstructing “Fake it Til You Make It”–that you should fake your confidence if necessary, and not your skills.

    Part of being confident is being able to ask a question when you don’t know what to do or don’t understand what someone said, and to own what you know and what you don’t.

  5. datdamwuf said:

    I’m sorry article was right on, the best thing I learned professionally in a week long communications course in my 20s, instructor said “never say you are sorry”, when you do that you are putting yourself down or drawing attention to something coworkers and managers wouldn’t even notice if you didn’t TELL them to. She told us to listen for it in our conversations and we would see it, she was right. At that time (being the perfectionist) when I did my tasks, I would often say something like; here you go, I’m sorry I couldn’t do X but it still came out great. GAH! I was doing an awesome job, then telling the person I was NOT doing an awesome job with the “sorry” bit. GAH! Same with asking questions, yikes!

    And on those VERY rare occasions when you should do it (for example an email got lost for days that you should have responded to quickly) still, you do not say “sorry” ever, use “my apologies”. It took me a while to excise the word sorry from my vocabulary, I noticed a difference in my professional relationships; number one change, I was treated with more respect and I felt more confident. A good wheel, the less you say sorry, the better you are treated, the better you feel about yourself. Amazing how much we put ourselves down with that one little word.

    It’s also true that a few men do it too, I’m mentoring a young co-worker now and teaching this to him, he prefaces everything with “sorry” – but in my experience this is so rare I *really* notice it when a guy does it.

  6. Tracy said:

    Chris Gethard… wow. I got as far as “lean on the love you have for the world” before completely losing my shit; I may need to have that phrase tattooed somewhere. Yowza. Thanks again, Cap’n!

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