San Francisco Meetup and Admin Notes

Hello, I got this email from Zardeenah over the weekend.


Hi! I’m a long time reader and occasionally commenter, but I’d like to get a meetup started here in lovely SF, CA!

I propose Saturday, October 13 from 5 to 7:30 pm (although people are welcome to stay later the bar is open til 11!) In the downstairs lounge at La Trappe Belgian cafe and bar. It’s at 800 Greenwich St in North Beach. It’s pretty roomy, but also popular, so if you know you want to come, please tweet @zardeenah or comment so I can reserve the lounge just for us if necessary!

La Trappe has a very extensive beer menu, but also nonalcoholic choices, as well as food and sweets.

There’s not that much free parking, but we have transit galore! An easy walk from: the cable car, F line streetcar, and the 30, 45, 39, 8x, 10, 12, 47, and 19 busses. We’re also accessible with only one transfer from BART and Caltrain, for those outside SFproper. This is a very safe neighborhood for nighttime walking.

I hope to meet many awesomely awkward new people there!


Awesome! Go and be awkward!

As always, if you’d like to plan your own meetup where you live, check out suggestions here. We’ll be hanging out in Chicago this coming Sunday and Seattle is getting together for happy hour next week.

Admin Notes:

1) The spam filter is still hungry. It even eats Sweet Machine’s comments sometimes! I do not know what’s up. I moderate comments approximately twice/day and clean it out when I can. Please, if your comment doesn’t show up, don’t post it over and over again. If it doesn’t show up within 24 hours, email me and I’ll see if I can fish it out. Common reasons seem to be: 1) Comment is really, really long. 2) Person is posting multiple comments in quick succession. 3) Comment contains multiple links. 4) Does not appear to fall into any of the above category, so, who knows?

2) If you ever need me to delete a duplicate comment, or you accidentally posted with your real name and need me to fix it (common moderation requests), send me the link to the actual comment. You find this by clicking the date/time the comment was posted. If you send me that it’s very easy for me to fix.

3) Real Talk: My inbox is swamped with hundreds of questions and I have no good system for triage beyond “Do I have something to say about this?” + “Do I have time right now?” Tertiary concerns include: “Does this build nicely on something we discussed recently” + “Is this a nice break from a topic we’ve covered extensively recently?”  + “Which of these multiple very similar questions provides the best jumping-off point that will hopefully help the other people extrapolate?”  + “Which letter gets to the point and isn’t a wall of text and backstory?” Except for that last bit, that’s not a rubric you can really tailor your life problems for, so keep doing what you’re doing. I just want to manage people’s expectations about turnaround time. Often new questions are the easiest to answer as they come in vs. digging through frankly overwhelming backlog to find something good.

Mostly these are very good problems related to increased traffic and visibility for the site, but there are some growing pains. Especially when people write with heart-wrenching, serious, urgent stuff that I know I won’t get to in a reasonable time period. So, if you have some serious stuff going on right now, and you need someone to talk with you right now, may I suggest:

These are US-based links, so if you are outside the US search for something similar in your location. Maybe we can compile a list of such resources. Inside the U.S. I feel very comfortable saying that somewhere in there a nice volunteer will listen to you without judgment and try to steer you toward more help.

As a favor, if you sent me a question a while ago and the problem has since cleared up on its own or been handled, forward me the old question and let me know what’s up.

The archives are searchable, so it’s possible we’ve answered something similar to what you have going on. For example, if you are new to dating or nervous & insecure about dating, we covered it. Thoroughly.

Thanks for your understanding and patience.

22 thoughts on “San Francisco Meetup and Admin Notes

  1. UK Equivalents:

    Rape Crisis –
    Al-Anon – (and Drink Aware for general information )
    The Samaritans – (And the Campaign Against Living Miserably – )
    Refuge –
    Women’s Aid –
    National Domestic Violence Helpline –

  2. … aaaand straight into the spam filter, presumably because of linkage! I find that to be perfect comic timing from the blog bots.

  3. In case there are other readers from Israel (you never know) here are some links to equivalents here (the links are in English but have Arabic and Hebrew pages or helplines too):

    Rape crisis centers

    Haifa Women’s Crisis Shelter (takes women from all over the country):

    AA Israel:

    Bezeq emergency numbers includes hotlines for those suffering domestic violence, mental health issues and other issues:

      1. Me too!

        ….oh dear, I just checked my calendar and I may have to re-arrange something. Put me down for “highly interested, very likely”.

          1. Most likely me as well! (That’s the day (and right at the time) of the first game of the American League Championship Series, so work may make it difficult depending on how that all pans out, but hopefully I’ll be able to at least stop by for a bit.)

          2. I would also like to go, as long as I can get that night off work (which is generally difficult). But possibly one more, yay!

  4. Some Dutch crisis links: – For anyone 18 and under, this is a great resource if you feel down, are having to deal with problems in your life, or just want someone to chat with. (I realize there probably won’t be many Dutch under-18s here, but if there are, this really is great) – Suicide prevention hotline (also has online resources) – Resources for people dealing with violence/abuse in their living situation. In case of urgent need of anonymous relocation ‘Blijf van m’n lijf’ is the best place to go afaik.

  5. I feel like I should say something about the “boredom is a privilege” thing on the linked article about suicide…I used to feel that way about my own suicidal tendencies, since I too have wanted to kill myself out of boredom for years and years. I don’t think it’s entirely inaccurate, but unfortunately thinking like that made me feel guilty and even more likely to consider suicide.

    I would caution people who have not experienced long-term depression to not dismiss “boredom” as just the kind of routine boredom we generally talk about that is inherent to the luxury of not needing to fight to survive, but to understand that it’s a whole new level- to a depressed person boredom can be the most anxiety-inducing, awful feeling in the world and is usually accompanied by an inability to feel good when you should.

    I used to hurt myself because pain and adrenaline was far better than the emptiness I perceived as boredom, and I know I’m not the only person who has had that experience. The good news is it’s a classic symptom of depression, so it means there’s available treatment out there!

  6. I was SO excited when I saw there’d be a San Francisco meetup – and then realized that by October I’ll be out of the country for a few months. Sadface. Hope to make it to some future meetup!

    1. If you happen to be coming to Australia, particularly Melbourne, I might be willing to organise something local! I’m not sure there are very many of us here.

  7. Something about the list of “help available” in multiple countries — well, it made me tear up a little. Using the internets for good, internationally.

  8. I totally want to go to the meet up, but I’m 19. Is the location all ages? I looked on their website, and it didn’t say anything, but I wouldn’t want to show up and not be able to get through the door to all the lovely awkwardness.

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