Please allow me to re-answer this one question that recently appeared at The Hairpin:
So I’ve been “seeing” (i.e. boning) this guy for a couple weeks. I haven’t gone down on him yet because I wasn’t sure he’d reciprocate and that pisses me off. So tonight, he said “you’re not too much of a feminist to go down on a guy, are you?” to which I responded truthfully that I’m not, DUH. I actually really enjoy it (but, I do have issues with people who feel it’s perfectly fine for me to go down when they find the reverse unappealing). Then he goes, “good, because I’m too masculine to go down on a girl.” UM, WHAT!? was my inner response although I’d sort of expected it since he hadn’t made any moves (but was still kind of hoping he’d come around; he’s a bit inexperienced/very young and I thought maybe he was just afraid to botch it). I told him that some dudes love it, at which point he told me some dudes are weird and asked if I’d ever done it (negative, for the record, which seemed to weaken my point in his eyes).
So here’s my question: this is what I want, but I feel weird/manipulative holding BJs hostage in return for something he clearly isn’t interested in/ready for. Is it unfair to pressure him like that? Plus, it’s obviously no fun for me if he’s gritting his teeth (so to speak) through the whole thing. But at this point I also don’t want to give him a free ride on my mouth. Should I lose this guy or is there an appropriate and effective way to approach this? Oh, also, we work together. Also, is he gay? I have never encountered this before.
You should definitely not pressure people into doing sex things they don’t like. But if someone claims that they are “too masculine” to go down on you in the same conversation where they are trying to get you to go down on them, it’s okay to laugh. Because that isn’t actually a reason. From me, this guy would get a “Well, if you ever decide to try it out, let me know.” I would not make any promises or ultimatums about reciprocity. But also, my face would probably not go near his dick and, to be honest, I would probably phase out the relationship and look for someone with more willingness to experiment. And I’d definitely look for someone who doesn’t use “you’re not some kind of feminist, right?” as a neg. Because my automatic response to that is “Um, I’m definitely feeling too feminist to go down on YOU, SPECIFICALLY, so thanks for saving us both a lot of trouble by asking that question.”
Have you guys seen Arlette’s post on creepiness? Relevant to our interests, I think.
Also relevant to our interests, Amy Poehler answers the question “What do you do when you lose a friend?”
Finally, the good people at Unfuck Your Habitat have released an app. They thought it would be of interest to the good people here, and sent me a free demo copy in the hopes that I would write about it. Sadly, I don’t have an i-thingy that will run it so I can’t tell you if it’s any good. This will have to be the extent of me writing about it, at least until the Android version is released.