Dear Readers, I promise a work or friendship or health or family question tomorrow, I swear, but this came in over the weekend and I think we can answer it pretty quickly and keep this week’s theme going.
I’m another wayward really insecure dude with a lady problem. But I think it might be a moderately different kind of lady problem than you usually deal with. I hope! (Ed. note: SRSLY)
My parents always taught me at home that expressing any kind of attraction to a woman was wrong, because women are too pure for that- but they were so busy losing their shit over the idea of hetero sex, they didn’t even imagine other kinds. I was proudly out as gay since the end of high school. I had several boyfriends in college, some of which I was reallyy serious about. I know I like men. A lot.
I think it is obvious where I am going with this- I then fell HARD for a female friend, in the last semester of college, and it was requited. I can’t even describe how much I like this girl, Captain … I kind of want to pull a Tom Cruise and shout on national television about how much I love her. I totally get that I sound like an idiot. But she’s amazing and I am hella proud just to be her friend, let alone date her.
But then I moved across the country after graduation- you know how long distance stinks even with the best relationships? It gets kind of worse when you are also confused about your sexuality, and it is a lot easier to convince yourself that yes, you’re into her THAT way, when she’s around. I know I am young and probably dumb, but I can’t imagine loving anyone else this much, but I am such a mess about my sexuality that I feel like I should just let her go rather than risk not being right for her.
And I know a lot of this is dumb and crazy, thank you jerkbrain and your jerk panic attacks. But Captain, how do I tell my asshole brain where it can go shove it’s asshole ideas, so I can enjoy the relationship with this person that I have right now? And why is the media this determined to tell me that bisexual men do not exist, when I think I may be one?
Self Sabotaging Idiot
a) Bisexuals exist.
b) Maybe you are one.
c) What does this lady have to say about potentially getting dumped due to distance and your confusion about your sexuality? Or were you just going to do it “for her own good” without talking it through with her?*
d) Maybe try to enjoy your relationship for as long as it works for both people in it and let things unfold? You don’t have to decide everything forever right now. You don’t have to choose just one way to love or one “identity” to fill out ticky boxes on ticky box forms.
e) You already know what I’m going to say about therapy, right? If you’re so insecure about this that it’s interfering with your own happiness, it might be time to sort this out at length with a trusted pro.
f) On that subject, your parents didn’t know everything about everything. One more reason for therapy.
Love and unicorns,
*People who are in love with you tend to frown upon this as a reason for getting rid of them.
Tag: OVERTHINKING IT
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