I am going to try and make a long story short. For months (and months), I ogled a handsome coworker from afar (actually not from afar; from pretty close). Never in a million years did I think this guy would entertain the idea of going out with me (I was your typical newspaper staff nerd/underacheiver in high school; he was a 4.0 football player, I’m talkative, he’s extremely quiet, etc.) – but, after months of debating whether or not to ask him out, I finally did and he said yes. Fast-forward a bit. We’ve hung out about three or four times now and we get along well, have plenty to talk about, and make each other laugh. He wants to pay for my food when we go out to eat (I let him the first time, but I covered my half to his dismay the second – just because I don’t want him to associate me with draining his wallet). Everything seems to say “date” when we go out and yet … there’s a catch.
Enter the awkward.
The past two times we hung out (I’m not even going to count the first time during which we simply parted with a smile and a wave), we’ve parted ways with a hug. A HUG. We are in our twenties, Captain, and I’m not saying I want to rush things, but why hasn’t this guy tried to kiss me? Sometimes I conclude that I’ve been shoved (never to emerge again) headfirst into the Friend Zone. I don’t want to push him (or make things more awkward by bringing it up) away. What do you think?
What do I think?
I think you should let go of defining yourself (and this dude) as being the “typical” anything according to who you were in high school.
I think that you should let go of the idea that it’s the man’s job to initiate the kissing stuff the way you’ve let go of the idea that it’s his job to do the paying for stuff. Do you want to kiss him? Then the next time you go out, ask if you can kiss him and see how that goes.
I think that the thing where you don’t want to “make it more awkward” is why this blog exists. It’s already awkward. You want to kiss him, and you’re not sure he wants to kiss you. By moving things along, you’re just making it differently awkward, and one step closer to maybe getting what you want.
Reporting Live from the Metanarrative: If you’re a straight woman, I get that it feels totally awesome and right to have a handsome man you like move in for that first kiss or ask if he can kiss you. It’s what you’ve been trained to want by every representation of romance in the media ever (exception below), and then it feels really good on its own because hey, kissing!, and it makes you feel pretty and chosen? So it rings all the bells of “This is what romance is like!” You’re not ruining feminism if you like that (I really, really like that).
But I think that it feels really good for humans to be desired by other humans that they desire, full stop. “A human I like wants to kiss me!” Gay people have to navigate that all the time without worrying about whose “job” it is to do the kissing, so take a lesson from them and go for it.
If he’s not into your kisses, he’ll tell you, and then you’ll know. It will be differently awkward, but totally survivable and ok.