Dear Captain Awkward,
I am a college student pursuing a career in the TV/Film industry. In the next year I will be graduating, and in as little as 2 months I will be going to be an intern at a film festival where I will no doubt meet and network with people who can get me a job soon after I graduate. Sounds like things are peachy for me to move out to LA within the year, right? wrong. If I don’t find a solution to my problem, I may miss the one opportunity to fulfill my dreams of working on set and making movies.
I have been in an awesome relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We instantly hit it off. I moved and transferred colleges about a year and a half ago to be closer to him. I have sacrificed being close to friends and 30 non-transferrable college credits to be near him and to make things work. When I told him about my career aspirations he thought it was a joke that I wanted to move away. He does not take me seriously in that I will do it. I dont think he understands how badly I want to succeed in my life.
7 months ago we hit a rough patch in our relationship. we both got really busy in our lives and didnt make time for eachother or communication. everything became a fight. 3 months ago after nothing had changed much between us, i broke up with him. I had had it with his lack of effort, and in my mind it was only a matter of time until we broke up because I knew i’d be choosing my career over him in the long run. After that, it was almost like a wake up call to him. He convinced me to let him try harder and be better, and he did. He became the guy i fell in love with in the first place. We got back to the point where we talk about our future together. The sad thing is, although I can see a future with him, he does not see a future with me outside of this place. He does not want to move to LA to be with me. LA is far from where we are and our families. He has always been very close with his family, and if he had it his way, we’d probably move in next door to his parents if i would let him. i love him. i want to be with him.
I’ve been trying to convince myself that I can have both. I can find a job in production somewhere here, i do live in a pretty big metroplex. its just… it makes me depressed to think about a life that i can have if i set my feelings for him aside.I have an amazing opportunity to meet people that can help further my career. why wont he move away with me? why wont he at least give me a chance to make it and get a great job that i love? if it doesnt work we can always move back… Should i break up with him now? what would i say, again?? and if he does move away with me, will it even be worth it?? he will be just as depressed moving away as i will be if i stay…
torn between love and career.
I have no pretense of being unbiased here.
GO TO L.A.
There will never be a better time in your life for you to do it, and you will always wonder if you don’t do it.
You say “He will be just as depressed moving as I will if I don’t do it.” That’s sad! But in a conflict this black and white, you have to choose yourself. Would he be able to live with himself if you gave up on your dreams to, what, move in next door to his parents with him and quietly resent him for the rest of your lives (or until you break up 2 years from now because you can’t take it anymore and you’re moving to LA)?
There are other men out there in the world who will love you and delight you and who won’t want you to make yourself smaller in order to be with them. They won’t treat your dreams like a joke.
Make a clean break and go.
A Film Professor/A Fellow Filmmaker/Captain Awkward
P.S. I’m sorry, I just had to come back and say FUCK THAT GUY for treating your dreams like a joke.
P.P.S. How do you break up with him? You say “Hey, I’m sorry, we need to break up. I’m moving to L.A. as soon as I graduate.”