Hey Captain Awkward,
Don’t really know how to start. Haven’t read much of the blog (I’m a bit lazy today I guess).
I’m a 26 year old guy who also happens to be a virgin. I’m nearly going to be a 27 year old virgin.
At the moment I’m writing a screenplay for a short movie for my master’s in Film. I’m writing it about two people who get together in some kind of rendez- vous to loose their virginity.
I don’t know if it’s such a good thing to make a movie about something that’s so close to me. I feel that people who know me well enough to have never seen me with a girlfriend or something of that kind just know that I am a virgin when I talk about about my movie(only when they ask). Is it awkward to feel this bad about it? Sometimes the ask me if its autobiographical, and I answer negative (I didn’t have a rendez vous to loose my virginity) But I never mention that I’m actually a virgin. There are some friends that I told. Sometimes we talk about it, but most of the times not, and a lot of times we joke about it (I think joking about it is like taking control over the situation I guess).
I really want to lose my virginity, but maybe I’m to naïve about it. Watched too many movies that screwed my perception on how the world of connection, love etc etc works. Maybe I want to much control that I won’t allow a little bit of chaos in my life.
There is a friend of a friend that is like interested in me. My friend told me that she found me hot, and she also told me that it wouldn’t took me a lot of trouble getting her into my bed. But the moment she told me that I just freaked. First the thought that somebody actually wanted to have sex with me scared me a lot. The second thought was, what the hell am I going to do if I eventually get into the same room alone with her. I keep on writing these screenplays in my head in how it’s going to be: Am I going to be badass in bed, am I going to suck at it, is it going to be good etc etc. It’s driving me crazy!
I don’t feel an enormous attraction to the girl. She is 6 years younger, mildly attractive. Completely not my type (she even annoys me from time to time). Should I just go for it and forget all the blabla about the ultimate love etc etc feeling intimate, feel connection, or just have pure sex just for the sake of it. At least I can scrap “lose my virginity” from my ‘to do’ list.
What to do, what to do….
You’ve come to the right place, Doubter! Here we have both an expert on being a 27-year-old virgin (Commander Logic) and a film instructor who went through an MFA program (Me). Our wheelhouse, you are in it.
Let’s start with art.
Make the film.
Make a film about what it’s like to be a 27-year-old virgin, and to be fascinated by sex and worried about sex and tempted to have sex just to find out what it’s like and then worried about performance, and wanting to be cool about it and worrying that everyone will know. If you’re not putting your own obsessions into your work, if you’re not making films that are as weird and vulnerable as you are, what the fuck are you doing? Films don’t have to be autobiographical (and you don’t have to admit whether or not they are, ever), but they do have to be yours.
Maybe make the film about a situation where the guy has a chance to lose his virginity to someone he’s not even sure he likes, and what he learns by going through with it or not going through with it, and what it would mean to be “good at sex” or “not good at sex” and where you got your ideas about that.
You can learn how to use most cameras or sound equipment in about 30 minutes if you have the manual. Casting, directing actors, pre-visualization, getting actually good at cinematography, working with a crew, writing and rewriting, and editing take longer – you have to learn by doing – and you will have many opportunities to pick them up during your time in film school.
What is harder to learn is how to put your guts into your work, and then put that work out in the world without fear or apology and listen to what people say about it, and how to develop that thing that is your voice. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, because the higher the stakes of each project. So do it now! Right now I am picturing all of your teachers wearing cheerleading costumes and saying “Make your weird awkward virginity film! Awesome! Yes!” and possibly “Make sure you flesh out that female character fully so she’s not just a tool in your main character’s search for fulfillment – what does she want out of this whole thing?”
Make this film. You have to make this film, and conveniently, it’s the film you have to make right now. When you’re out on the festival circuit and someone asks you if it’s autobiographical, look very thoughtful and say something like “We all start out as virgins, right?”
If you start feeling discouraged, here’s an example of someone who made a weird film about a weird guy who had trouble finding love. It worked out pretty ok for him, I think. And if you’re looking for a hilarious, awkward film about two people maybe having sex, may also I recommend Lynne Shelton’s Humpday? That also worked out pretty well for her.
As for that girl you don’t really like and aren’t attracted to who wants to have sex with you? I don’t think you have time for people you don’t really like and aren’t attracted to. I think before you scratch “lose virginity” from your to-do list, you’ve got things to do, like “Make awesome movie.” There’s a really obvious metaphor in here about risk and authenticity and connection, which I will leave you to tease out.
Link us to a copy when it’s done?