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Dear Captain Awkard:
So I’ve been dating this Sagittarian for 8 months. It was going swimmingly and due to his couple of months free waiting to get exam results and find a new job, along with me working for myself and being able to take loads of time off, we were intenso – inseparable for 3 months. Mix up his exotic hotness, ambition, brains, resounding (seeming) lack of baggage, patience, easygoing nature and ability to deal with me. Slather on some pretty great sex, a holiday in Rome, my friends loving him, lots of late night spiritual and philosophical convos and I was fully baked. He’s only 26 and I’m 28 but sure cool.
Then he gets the job he wanted. Head and neck surgeon and pretty full on, but only 8-5 and no weekends. I would have been fine only for 2 things: sex took a massive nose dive and he’s absolutely exhausted all the time.
I’m a Gemini. Fairly well-adjusted but I get bored of the trivialities of 9-5 life, that’s why I’m an entrepreneur. I also adore traveling and love my work, I see life as being about relationships and experiences. I feel as though he’s choosing his career over the rest of his life, including ME.
Now I’m a bitter hag about the sex, having asked if it’s because he’s gay (both honestly and nastily), or just doesn’t fancy me (ditto) or if he has issues about sex (not much experience/possible mother issues or whatever) and he swears it’s none of these things, he’s just tired. He also now thinks I’m a nympho, which is ridiculous.
He can’t seem to sleep earlier than 12 and gets up at 6 so I KNOW he’s tired but he has to take responsibility for that himself, I don’t force him to stay up or eat late! He’s trying different diets, gave up smoking 2 months ago for the first time in 14 years, getting exercise, is going to try yoga, but it’s not working so far.
I feel neglected, betrayed, disappointed. On top of that he’s not very romantic or good at expressing his feelings verbally. Not terrible but not great. We’ve entered a massive power struggle and are constantly bickering, mostly started by me. Throw in the fact that his 6 month contract ends soon and he may have to spend much of his career moving around the country. I am fairly free to go with him but my LIFE is here in London and I’m not the type of person who wants to be traipsing around after a man. I feel really badly towards him and I know that I’m pulling away because I don’t want to compromise myself and/or get hurt. Oh and I don’t like his mother.
Dear Star-Crossed Gemini:
I consulted the stars, and they said that when a person starts an intense new job and makes a bunch of lifestyle changes all at once, it might take a few months to get into a new routine that works. Even with a relatively predictable schedule, working as a surgeon full time is no joke and it is not surprising that he would be physically and mentally exhausted as he tries to climb the learning curve. He’s spent most of the last decade training for this moment. It’s possible that you guys just have mismatched sex drives and would have found that out over the long-term anyway, but even people with very high sex drives are affected by stress and major changes. Whatever is going on, bickering and other “massive” “It’s your career vs. ME” power struggles are not going to make it better. I mean, what is the most sexy sex of all? Making a wild guess, it’s not the “I’m doing this to prove I’m not gay!” sex that you’re browbeaten into by a resentful partner.
Then the sun chimed in that you should stop describing anything as “exotic,” most especially a romantic partner. One by one the planets nodded their assent.