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Dear Captain Awkward:

I have a really great job; creatively fulfilling, changing and full of new challenges and people. I’ve been in this job for a lot of my 20’s, and devoted a lot of time and emotional energy to it.

A lot of the greatness of the job is down to my boss. So far, I’d say our relationship has been warm, informal and rather protective, but professional. However the other week (after an work event we were attending together) it became so warm and informal we drunkenly made-out.

He kissed me, not that I’m looking to assign blame, but I was definitely into it. And it was a mess, and kind of innocent, and he’s my boss, and married.

Backstory; while I don’t really identify as asexual all signs so far point to me being somewhere down that end of the ballroom. I’ve had crushes on one or two men (maybe even been in love) but have had very little romantic or sexual experience. I’m basically okay with this, as I experience attraction so rarely (and it’s my body and I’ll do what I like with it, even if that’s nothing) .

However since that night I’ve been left feeling lonely, and touch deprived. I wouldn’t truly say I have a crush, but I want his attention and affection. I feel very safe with him and if he was any of my other friends I’d be asking if he wanted to do it again and working out whether it could be a thing. As it is, we very quickly went back to normal, which is right but has left me so at odds with myself.

How the hell do I behave, now I’ve finally noticed I’ve been having this weirdly intimate working relationship? I feel like such a loser for being so affected by a drunk kiss but really my problem is that I feel like I don’t know myself at all. How can I try to be happy romantically in the future, when my sexuality is such a small, hidden thing?

Thank you, I’d really love to have the chance to think about this anonymously. As it’s pretty professionally compromising I feel I can’t talk about it to my usual Team Me!

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Greetings Captain!

I’m having a hell of a time trying to decide what to do with my life. I would like a career that suits me, but the problem is I have no real skills.

Some backstory: I graduated with my BA in 2011 from a small school that no one has ever heard of. My degree is basically useless and no one takes it seriously. After attaining my BA, my passion for the subject is virtually non-existent. I tried everything I could think of to get started in my career at that time: internships, networking, attending conferences, etc. Nothing worked. I would like to go back to school, but after having such a negative experience with my current degree, I’m terrified that it will happen to me all over again. This is going to sound pretty weird but, if I went back for a second degree, I’d probably go for a law or film degree. I am very passionate about both subjects.

Unfortunately, I’ve had many people tell me that going back to school is a horrible idea. They are probably right because I would have to pay for everything out of pocket again (I’ve never been eligible for any grants or scholarships despite graduating on time with honors.) Something keeps pushing me to try though. I’ve visited numerous colleges over the past few years, I even got close to going back for my master’s. But every time I am about to pull the trigger, I freeze up and the doubt creeps back in. I fear that maybe I just don’t have what it takes anymore.

My only bankable skill is my ability to communicate with just about anyone. This led me to take on retail/sales jobs for eight years which I hated immensely. My current job is very demanding and I work 50-60 hours a week, but I am NOT going back to retail. I would love to just start over somewhere new and have no issue with relocating. However, my fiancé’s career here has really taken off and we can’t leave just yet. Besides, where would we go?  I live paycheck to paycheck now because I don’t have the qualifications for a better paying job. I doubt I could attain a better job elsewhere until I have more education/experience.

So I guess my ultimate question is this: what skills have helped you the most in your life? What would you recommend to someone who is super lost and doesn’t know how to continue? What steps should I take to build up my qualifications? How did you decide which steps to take in your life that have led you to a successful career?

Sincerely,

Mad (that I have no) Skills

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Amantha & Daniel walk in a field on Rectify

IndieWire keeps letting me mix advice and fanfiction for money. These all contain some spoilers, so if you are way behind on these shows you might not want to dig in.

This week’s Indiewire column is about my new favorite show, Rectify, airing now on the Sundance Channel. How do you pick your life back up after you’ve been living for someone else? (How can I get their cinematographer to shoot everything?) I think the friendship between Daniel & Kerwin is one of the most beautiful and hopeful things I’ve ever watched unfold on film.

Last week’s was about Masters of Sex, and what to do when your husband comes out after 30 years of marriage.

And of course, Hannibal is very lonely right now and missing his friends*, so he sends weird presents and questions to Captain Awkward. This, I think, will be a recurring theme.

I just started watching Outlander and Finding Carter, on your recs, and Dr. Who is going to be back soon so we’ll need to talk about how “My friend had a near-death experience, and now he’s different. Really, really different.”

 

*When you stab every one you know, you eventually end up with no friends.

From Vicki:

Seattle meet-up, last-minute annoucement. (Zee organized this over on the Friends forums, and I noticed there was nothing posted here, so asked if I should let you know.)

People (Zee at least, and almost certainly Vicki) will be gathering at Bauhaus, 414 E. Pine Street (on Pine Street between Crawford Pl and Summit) in Capitol HIll tomorrow, Saturday, August 9, starting around 3:00. Bauhaus serves coffee, tea, other beverages, and light snacks. Look for the big stuffed pony. Zee says “If you’re familiar with the Wells Fargo ponies you’ll recognize it right away, but it’s just a big tan colored stuffed pony.”

K. proposes a D.C. summertime outdoor meetup! Details from her:
Noon on Saturday, August 16, 2014
Dupont Circle Park (that’s the park with a big fountain inside the traffic circle)
Let’s do a picnic-style meetup in the park! Bring something to sit on — I’ll have a picnic blanket, but it’s not super big — and optionally food to share or just for yourself. I’ll have bubble-blowing paraphernalia, and you’re welcome to bring your own stuff to do or share. To find us, look for the red balloon. E-mail bokunenjin@gmail.com with any questions, including day-of guidance if the weather looks iffy, or if you just want to say you’re excited to come!
Getting there: Besides being a stop on Metrorail’s red line and the site of two bikeshare stations, Dupont Circle is a bus stop for many lines including the Circulator and the Mount Pleasant Line. Car parking is not cheap or plentiful here, but there are some options at http://tinyurl.com/ojb5r3h.
I (the Captain) used to live at 1512 Corcoran Street, a short walk from there, if anyone is feeling curious and wants to tell me if the creepy church sign is still in the downstairs window of the creepy caretaker’s apartment.

Ahoy, Captain!

My partner and I have been together for about three years now. We don’t live together, but lately my partner has been saying that he would like to start cohabiting –  not necessarily immediately, just at some point. Mostly I’m the one saying “let’s not.” There’s a few reasons for that, but a major one is financial.

I work full time at a higher wage than my partner, who works part time. He’s frequently out of money by the time his next paycheque comes, while I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been straight-up broke, even when our incomes were more comparable. When we go out, I usually pay, which is not a problem for me; I’ve also occasionally lent him money for things he really needed, like a bus pass at the beginning of the month, and when something is clearly expressed as a loan, he’s fairly good about paying me back. However, I’m not totally on board with the way he prioritizes his spending. For example, his bed frame has been falling apart for the last year and a half. He said he couldn’t afford to replace it – but in that time, he’s definitely spent more than the price of a cheap Ikea bed (let alone a Craigslist find) on books and games.

I’m not criticizing him for spending his money on things he likes. It is, after all, his money! He’s a grown-ass man and he earned it. I’m also not his mom, and neither he nor I wants me to nag him about financial responsibility. Basically, I just slap a big ol’ Not My Problem sticker on about 90% of his cash flow crap and move on with my life.

My concern is that if we do move in together, I will start shouldering not just most of our financial responsibilities, in accordance with my larger earnings, but ALL of them. I worry that if we did get together, he’d know that the rent would get paid and food would get bought no matter what, so why not go ahead and spend whatever he feels like – not inconsistent with what I know about his spending habits. He’s also got a big pile of student loan debt, and if we’re cohabiting and eventually end up being common-law, I don’t want to take on responsibility for that.

It feels cold, but basically, I’m afraid that moving in with my partner will mean taking a financial hit. It’s not necessarily one that I can’t afford, but it is one that I don’t want.

I’m not immediately on fire to move in with my partner right now – it probably wouldn’t happen anyway, for a number of reasons – but should I mention this to him as part of my reasoning? If so, how do I do that? And if we do decide to make that commitment together, how do we address this problem as a couple?

Many thanks,

Not Subsidizing Anyone

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