Captain Awkward,
I have a very, very good friend who has been with me for many years. She’s helped me when I’ve been suicidal (even so far as taking me to the clinic), she shares my nerdy interests and crafting interests, and everything inbetween to be a perfect friend for me.
The problem comes here – her husband. He’s honestly a great guy. Cares for her, means well, and is a genuinely good person. However, he can be very caustic with thoughtless comments. For example;
Example 1
[expressing frustration about an individual who upset many in our group by saying] “C is so fat and ugly” – this friend is half my size, physically… And he says this in my presence – what does that make me?Example 2
[sitting at a bar and hanging out. I had just gotten done with a successful but unorthodox 6 week diet. He asks me about it, I begin to explain and he spends the next 20 minutes ranting to the bartender why my diet is stupid and how he would know because he's a restaurant manager]I could go on here but I believe you get the point. He’s not maliciously trying to put me down, but that does end up being what always happens. I love my friend. I am happy that she and her husband are madly in love and make each other ridiculously happy. But Everytime I hang out with the both of them – which considering they got married 4 months ago is nearly every time, I spend the next day incredibly depressed (I over think and internalize everything. Haven’t managed to find a therapist that can fit me into their schedule yet.) and I drive my long-suffering fiancé up the wall with my deep-seated sadness that he doesn’t know how to fix.
I know the quickest answer is to tell her.. But am I being oversensitive? Ridiculous? Unfair? I don’t think telling her would make her stop associating with me, but it would put her in an awkward position. I would appreciate your wisdom here, thank you.
Exasperated Friend
Dear Exasperated:
