Why I will continue recommending counseling on this blog FOREVER.
Posted: May 8, 2012 Filed under: Mental Health, Rants | Tags: health, mental health services, mental-health 61 Comments »I wanted to expand my response to this comment into its own post:
Geek Relationship Fallacies
Posted: April 16, 2012 Filed under: Captain Awkward's Dating Guide for Geeks, Geek Social Fallacies, Overthinking It, Rants, Relationships | Tags: geek relationship fallacies, logic fail, Relationships 72 Comments »
If Sherlock is your emotional spirit guide, seek other help immediately.
Commander Logic here.
I have been a geek and loved geeks since I began having relationships outside my family, and I have to say that The 5 Geek Social Fallacies rang true to me in that particular self-recognition-wince way. And Holly’s 5 Geek Sexual Fallacies were helpful too! DUDE, SO HELPFUL.
But I feel like there’s still room for one more Geek Fallacy list, and this is one for Geek Relationships. Have we gotten past the “Geeks are unloveable losers” trope yet? Geeks have relationships and the particular pitfalls for my logical, overthinking ilk deserve mention.
Now, remember folks! Just because you are a geek doesn’t mean you are a carrier for any of these fallacies, and just because you’re NOT a geek doesn’t mean you aren’t a carrier.
1 – “Logic Wins.”
Emotions are difficult, so let’s keep everything logical and then we will never have problems. The person who is having emotions outside those that are expected is weak and the loser and – worst of all – wrong.
2 – “Disagreements mean we have to break up”
Wanting to make a change in the relationship means the relationship is flawed, and therefore unsustainable.
3 – “Change = Social Death”
Changes in a relationship (starting to date or breaking up) will disrupt the surrounding friend group.
4 – “Love me, love my obsession. Love my obsession, love me.”
You both have to love everything in the same way with the same intensity. – If you love the same thing and you are gender-appropriate, you HAVE to date.
5 – “We are the only members of our species.”
Our geekdom is so idiosyncratic that if we break up/don’t start a relationship, we will never find another suitable person to love.
Let’s get a little further inside these fallacies, shall we?
Marie Claire’s “Rich”: Good girls get to meet your mom. Bad girls are too confident and hard to control….like dirty snow.
Posted: March 13, 2011 Filed under: Dating, Feminism, How Not To Be, Rants, Sex | Tags: bad advice, calling bullshit, casual misogyny, marie claire sucks, women's magazines 27 Comments »
A woman with more self confidence and experience than you is like the filthy black snow of late February.
Thanks, Feministe, for pointing me toward this piece at Marie Claire: “Why Men Prefer Innocent Girls to Bad Girls” by Rich. Rich’s friends divide women into categories called Innocent/Good Girls and Bad Girls, and I’ve got bad news for women with opinions, self-confidence, and a sexual history.
“Across the board, the guys agreed they prefer an innocent woman over a “bad girl.”
OH NOES
Fortunately, Rich lists and explains his reasons.
Men like to be leaders on the journey that “corrupts our innocence.”
“Guys just want to be the leader of that journey instead of the followers. I guess it’s like white fresh snow versus the snow that’s turning black on the side of the road in under the haze of car exhaust. The fresh snow is more of a palette for adventure.”
If you are not coded as “innocent,” you are THE FILTHY BLACK SNOW OF LATE FEBRUARY instead of, I don’t know, a fresh white snowbank where a man can, uh, mark out new territory.
“All that crying is killing my boner.”
Posted: January 7, 2011 Filed under: Rants | Tags: boners, lazy terrible journalism, misogyny Leave a comment »Thanks, WashingtonPost.com and like, every other website I’ve looked at today, for making me create the blog category “Rants” with this headline and article: Women’s tears are a turnoff for men, study suggests.
While my initial question on reading the headline was “Who cared about this enough to study it?” I have to admit that the science of pheremones and how they work is pretty neat. So now my question is “Who wrote those shitty, shitty headlines and framed this entire study as yet another way that women are alien and confusing to men and should probably worry whether they are being sexy enough even in the middle of weeping?”
Won’t someone think of the boners?
Listen, if you’re crying and suddenly find yourself thinking “Is this a huge turnoff to some man somewhere, either the one in front of me or men in general? Could my emotions be having a negative impact on a boner or boners?” Captain Awkward gives you permission to stop worrying about the boners, ok? The boners will take care of themselves. And hey, some guys are into the crying thing. Don’t believe everything you read.
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