Hi Captain Awkward,
I have a best friend who’s already like a brother to me. He’s married and they’re expecting their first child. However he’s still struggling to make his ends meet. Hence I only get to see him once in a while. Usually when we meet, we have good and sometimes profound conversation, but not this last time.
Expecting a delightful conversation, I brought him some coffee which I think is very good and I know he likes coffee. He’s excited and fixed a cup for himself (I didn’t because I had my fair share that day). At first, our conversation was good.
But things got weird after a couple of hours. He said that his heart was racing due to the coffee. After a quick probe, I found out that he poured too much coffee, hence the caffeine reaction. I never got that reaction because I usually have only 1 teaspoon of that coffee.
I asked if he wanted to go to hospital but he said no. Because I was worried, I stayed with him while he uttered same words over and over again about this coffee was so strong that it made his heart and libido race. Then he told me he could not take it anymore and asked for my “assistance”. I told him no because we’re friends and I could not do such thing for a friend. He asked me if he could touch my private part … and I said yes, although reluctantly (partly I felt guilty for giving him the coffee). No penetration nor orgasm involved. I felt nothing and the whole time, I was watching a TV show and tried to not to feel weird about this.
This was the second time after a long time ago. In previous time, only once, he was given some traditional potion – which has a viagra-like effect – by friends, I feel I could understand why. I mean, boys play prank on each other, that’s not a new news. And I didn’t sweat too much about it that time.
This time, logically I still can try to understand.
I see myself as a rational person. I know how sexual urge is irrational and uncontrollable, especially if spouse currently cannot accommodate this need. It gets much harder to control if you don’t have enough sleep. Logically I understand this part.
But it feels weird. I wonder again and again, why previously I didn’t have problem but this time I did.
I know I cannot get rid of this feeling right away. I don’t want to be in contact with him right now and I think he understands (by not trying to contact me as well).
My question is… Can friendship survive things like this? Will eventually everything will return to the way it was?
-Wishing for a Time Machine
What your friend is doing is called being full of shit.
BULLSHIT. Lies. Malarkey. Excuses. Manipulation.
Sexual feelings are powerful and sometimes unexplainable.
Sexual actions are always within our control. Always. They are decisions we make about what to do with those feelings.
He could take Viagra or other stimulants that gave him a 12-hour boner, and he would still be able to control himself.
Script for you should he get back in touch:
“Wow, Friend, you’ll understand if I’m still feeling super-weird after last time we hung out. For the record, caffeine doesn’t make people have to have sex, so please get that looked into or at least stop using at an excuse to try to get it on with me.”
I think you’re going to want to look for a new friend. And maybe think about your own desires and how you’d like to act on them or not act on them. This whole “It just happened” thing has a limited shelf-life. In other words, the reason you feel gross and that you want a time machine is that your friend is manipulative and trying to trick you into sex while maintaining some sheen of deniability as to what happened instead of owning up to what he wants. Which is not your fault, but don’t repeat the experience unless you actually actively want to have sex with him.