I’ve been in an editing bay all day and not able to respond to the many kind emails and donations that came in over the course of the day. Hi! Thank you! I will send links to the movie out over the next 2 days!
This…was also in my inbox when I got home tonight.
Dear Captain, my relationship isn’t perfect, my boyfriend is mostly selfish, dirty, stubborn and feels he is the only one that has a hard day at work… a male trough and trough I love him quite a lot (why if not love would make me put every day with that kind of person?) but… I’m sure I have to leave him just like a coyote that has to chew it’s own paw, this is why: he is 36 and I’m his most meaningful relationship in the subject of commitment, but I have forced that commitment by being nagging and I mean really nagging, we moved together almost 2 years ago but a year into living together I brought up the “are we going to have kids soon right?” and he didn’t wanted kids like ever, and I do want kids so I gave him a year to think about if He would change his mind or if we would have to end our relationship, quite a chunk of time right? well last month the time ran out and after a shouting crying and silent staring (not hard to know who did which) he agreed to try to have a kid next summer June 2013, and it was a relief because I want to be with him, but guess what? we don’t have sex… it has been a problem almost from the beginning of our relationship and it’s getting worse and worse talking doesn’t work, begging doesn’t work… I have being even violent but I don’t want to force him I believe consent is the only way… not that he thinks the same when he wants sex (once every few months) he is forceful and I feel like it’s my only chance to have some and I should be up to whatever He would like, there is also the humping he would hump my leg like a dog and have a good time for himself even if I protest…
Oddly I have leaned to take this like normal (I know you are having a facepalm moment sorry) but lately he reluctantly proposed (of course no ring) and not really wanting a wedding or planing he would go with whatever I decide so he has to put no effort and it wouldn’t look like he is happy or excited to be there…
So what can some one as stupid as me do?
Tnxs a lot for the time reading this mail and there are more details if you care for them.
-Bunny in Distress
Not to be Dear Coquette, but I’m trying to find one good reason to marry a dirty, selfish, stubborn guy who won’t have sex with you when you want to but violently humps your leg when he feels like having sex and who doesn’t want any of the same things you want out of life.
Maybe you could read your letter out loud to yourself? Or to someone local, like a friend or a therapist, who could say, with a full range of necessary vocal inflection and facial expressions:
WHY, WHY, WHY WOULD YOU GESTATE THIS LAZY, GROSS & RELUCTANT MAN’S BABY INSIDE YOU?
Why would you do that?
Why would you “nag” to keep him in your life?
What are you looking for us to tell you?
“Congratulations on your, uh, engagement?”
“Whatever makes you happy.”
“Inertia: It’s powerful!“
Are you trying to make yourself (and your future child) permanently unhappy as some kind of bizarre performance art?
I like what you said about being a coyote that maybe needed to chew off its own paw to get out of the relationship.
P.S. In case this was an actual, sincere question, I think this LW is in a similar situation of knowing it’s over without quite believing it’s over, and this letter has some practical advice about planning for a breakup when you live with someone and have to deal with money & other logistics. Breaking up with someone familiar is very hard, but it has to be easier than browbeating a gross dude who doesn’t actually like you into unholy matrimony.
P.P.S. I want to say something encouraging about how there is probably someone better out there for you, and there probably IS someone better out there for you you should probably take a break from this whole thing until you’ve figured some shit out. Why not read this thread about good relationships and how people treat each other well as a primer? I know what it’s like to feel stuck and like you don’t want to or can’t start over, but you can do better for yourself (and future hypothetical offspring) than this. Alone & happy with yourself would be a version of better. Trust in the future.
P.P.P.S. Violence and calling yourself stupid are bad. Stop it.