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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Alice In Wonderland's white rabbit looking stressed out and late! For a very important date!

He has a giant watch, so why is he always so late?

I’m having some trouble with my sister that I don’t know how to deal with. Basically, she’s a huge flake. Often when we make plans to spend time together, she’ll change her plans and not tell me until the last minute (when or after we were supposed to meet) and sometimes not at all. She seems to do this with everyone and doesn’t understand when people get pissed at her for it. A few times she has claimed that she’s on her way home and then doesn’t show up and doesn’t answer her phone, which of course means we get worried. Later she’s admitted that she lied about being on her way to begin with.

I’ve tried to explain that this is really annoying for me and I’ve asked her to at least contact me and cancel ahead of time so I can make other plans. I’ve also asked her not to make plans with me if she doesn’t think she’ll actually make it. I get that sometimes things come up or take longer than expected, but this happens all the time. When I’ve tried to talk to her, she’s been pretty defensive about it and she hasn’t changed her behavior. She’s 19, which I think is too old for this kind of behavior.

I really enjoy spending time with my sister and I don’t want to stop doing that, but I also want her to be respectful of my time. What can I do?

Annoyed Sister

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Calming Manatee saying "Sit with me sweetie, I'll pop the kettle on."Hello, friends. Here is a photo of a calming manatee and a wee child. Here are baby bunnies sleeping. Here is a female film director holding her Oscars. This is Bates from Downton Abbey wearing a flannel shirt and holding a baby. This is two female Navy officers kissing and telling. This and this are network TV shows with complicated, three-dimensional protagonists played by brilliant black actors.

Find some image that makes you feel okay and hopeful about the world, because we’re talking about stalking again.

Dear Captain Awkward,

I started seeing my current boyfriend in fall semester of this year, although the fact that we had both had bad experiences with long-term relationships led to us taking our relationship slowly and not becoming “official” until the beginning of spring semester. His ex-girlfriend was abroad when we first started dating and came back for spring semester. Through a friend she shared with my boyfriend, she discovered our relationship and has been harassing me ever since. At first it just involved her blocking me from an on-campus organization I wished to join, which, while unpleasant, is hardly unheard of. However, it quickly escalated to her actively damaging my reputation, verbally abusing my friends, physically knocking into me when we happened to cross paths, and even pouring a drink on me at a party we both happened to attend.

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Hulk looking mean and mad.


Aw fuck, people. More stalking. Emergency kittens standing by thanks to Twitter friend and hilarious DVD-reviewer @jearl8000.

Dear Captain Awkward,

For a few months now, I have what would be defined as a “Facebook stalker” – he likes all of my pictures, all of my statuses, all of my photos, all of my comments on other people’s statuses… you get the idea, and it increases with each day.  Also, he mails me at least four times a week (usually after I’ve posted a status or something of the like, so he knows that I’m online) saying the same thing – “Hey”, “Hi :)” “Helloooooo”. I never respond, yet he doesn’t seem to be getting the message that I don’t want to talk to him.

Not only is it infuriating, it’s also creeping me out – it’s reached the point where he likes or comments on something within seconds of my posting it.

He’s not a particularly close friend, – in  fact, I don’t really know him that well at all – but he’s someone I’ve spent time with in group outings, and all in all, he’s kind of fun to be around – however, in the viral world, he’s not so much fun. Many of my friends have questioned me about it too, and I have been informed that he’s nigh on infatuated with me (which is weird, because I don’t talk to him that much and we’ve only really hung out a handful of times.) It’s safe to assume that I have no romantic interests for him in return.

Fred Savage in The Princess Bride. "Is this a kissing book?"

“Is this a kissing book?”

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’m in love with my best friend. That sounds like a really lackluster problem, but it’s really starting to weigh on me in a way it never has before. I’ve tried to talk to some other friends about it, but they don’t really seem to count as outside opinions (our friends are basically gunning for us to get married). I would really appreciate an unbiased viewpoint!

My best friend is wonderful in every way. We’ve been inseparable since high school. Everything we do together just seems so special and memorable, like a movie. We can keep up with each other and encourage each other. We adventure together. We can talk to each other in a comfortable stream-of-consciousness and work out our problems together. We grew up together. It’s been five years and my heart still jumps up into my chest every time he walks through the door.

I’m so in love with him, but I’m starting to wonder if anything will ever change between us. If we ever started to date, physical intimacy would be the only new development; we’ve already covered most of the bases for beginning and sustaining a healthy relationship. I’ve reached a level of intimacy with him that I’ve never found with anyone else. Pursuing a relationship with him seems so strange to me. It’s something I thought about a lot when we were a bit younger, but now it just seems silly. I see us staying friends forever, and I could even picture us being married, but I could never see us in a relationship together. It’s just been too long- it almost seems like we’ve passed the mark. I just don’t see anything to be gained by dating each other.

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Luke Skywalker hanging off of Cloud City.

Sometimes we make our own Darth Vader Boyfriends out of wishful thinking and a refusal to let go.

Dear Captain Awkward,

About six weeks ago, the guy I was dating (let’s call him StarTrekFan, our mutual love for Star Trek and other geekery brought us together), broke things off very suddenly. I asked him to give us another chance and he agreed. We had talked about what issues had arisen and wanted to work on them.

However, life got a bit shit in those six weeks. He had to spend a lot of time in SecondaryWorkTown as well as in HomeTown with his family because of a death in the family and he had a mega-stressful time at work due to yearly evaluations. This meant we saw each other maybe once a week for a couple of hours, mostly in public spaces. He’d asked me for some space over that time and to take things slowly so I tried not to bother him too much over that time apart from when we saw each other. I have my own issues with death due to personal family related reasons so I probably wasn’t supportive enough with that but with everything else, I tried to be as supportive as possible without being too intrusive.

After the agreed upon period of time ended in which he’d asked for space, I thought it was finally time to work on previously discussed issues, together. However, he got back and the next day (after a nice couple of hours together the day he got back) he just broke up with me again. That was about a week ago.

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Pinocchio swimming away from a giant whale.

“Swim faster, Pinocchio! The whale is having emotional needs at us again!”

Dear Captain Awkward,

My girlfriend and I are both in our early 20’s and have been going out long-distance for several months. Neither of us are very experienced at dating and this is the longest relationship either of us have been in. It’s also the first serious relationship she’s been in with a woman. We were friends for about a year before we started going out, so we knew each other pretty well by the time things got romantic. It’s been good so far, except for one problem that keeps rearing its head: she feels smothered easily, is emotionally distant, and has trouble giving affection to a romantic partner. I’m an extremely affectionate person, and get kind of insecure if someone acts aloof, which I think is understandable? It feels like a contant tug-o-war between our needs. I try very hard to be respectful of her need for space, but it’s difficult sometimes, because she almost never reciprocates affection. She’s noticeably (as in, it’s something my friends have commented on) more affectionate with her friends than with me. So I sometimes end up feeling like just a friend–and not even a close one at that–instead of her girlfriend. Whenever I try to bring it up with her, she starts getting freaked out and feels cornered. So I end up apologizing and backing down and not asking anything of her, and telling her I’ll try to be less needy, that none of it is her fault, it’s all mine.

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Creepily, I can see what Google searches bring people to this blog. Sometimes it’s fun to try to help these searchers out.

“I think I’m very unattracted to my boyfriend, is that a good reason to break up?” 

Yes. One of the best, in fact.

Do I text the girl that blew me?”

Depends. Do you want to see her again? Do you plan to do something nice for her if you do get together again? If the answer to both those questions is no, then, no. If yes, then text away.

“I want to be a teacher but I have an embarrassing name.”

Really? You’d let that stop you? Kids can be cruel, but if they make fun of your name it’s far more likely that they sense your shame and weirdness about it and are going for a weak spot than anything about the name itself.

Names can be changed, btw. It’s a hassle, but it can be done. Maybe this is the year that you reinvent yourself as NewName NewName Comma Teacher.

My boyfriend was rude to my parents, what do I do?

Ask him why he behaved like that. Let him know that it’s not cool and you’d like him to apologize to your parents. Watch carefully for his reaction – if he tries to make it your fault or your parents’ fault instead of owning up to his own behavior, proceed directly to breaking up. If he steps up and owns the behavior, write it off as a mistake for now but be watchful – is he rude to other people? Is he rude to you?

“What if when I left our second date my crush said nothing but ‘text me’?”

You could try texting him or her. Someone who likes you will text back promptly and it will begin a conversation. Someone who isn’t that into you will not respond quickly and it will not feel like a conversation.

I hate my girlfriend now that she’s moved in.

Oops. Do you think it’s just the strain of adjusting to having someone around all the time and that it will get better in time? Can you remember why you fell in love with her? Are you being kind to each other?  If you do break up with her now, you’ll feel like less of a jerk if you put a little money aside to help her find a new place.

“My parents hate my boyfriend.”

This is a rough one. Sometimes parents have really good reasons for being concerned about their kids’ dating partners, but sometimes they are interfering and controlling. Have you asked your parents to lay out what they don’t like about him and listened sincerely to their concerns? Are those concerns good ones? What do your friends think of him?

“Girl with ugly teeth gets fucked”

That’s extremely specific, son.

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Hello Captain!

I am in serious need of some guidance. I’ll do my best to keep the background info to being pertinent to the situation. Here it goes.

I have a wonderful four year old son with my terrible, emotionally-abusive ex. I left him when my son was a little over a year old and there has been many legal battles and serious ISSUES between he and I ever since. About 8 months ago he was caught physically abusing his stepson (which my son witnessed) and I was finally able to get a restraining order and complete physical custody. The incident left my son with emotional scars and a ton of guilt. He won’t tell when people are mean to him (i.e. kids throwing rocks at him at daycare and not telling the teacher) because of the guilt about his dad. He has a good therapist and has improved considerably since the incident but he is in a fragile place and needs security and to feel safe for the healing to continue.

My question is about how to handle my ex’s stepmother. She is an incredibly overbearing and demanding person who lives a few hours away from my family and calls my son every so often to chat. That’s ok with me, but she also wants to have him come and stay with her and my son’s paternal grandfather for a few days every so often. I let him go there once and for weeks afterward he was off, super crabby and the beyond normal clingy and had several nightmares. He told my fiancé that he had seen his dad but when we asked about it later he said he hadn’t. I would not put it past The Step-mom to let my ex come over to spend time with my son, even though it’s illegal.

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