Monthly Archives: March 2012

#218: My anxiety is messing up my relationship.

Mr. Emerson & Lucy from A Room With A View

"I don't believe in this world sorrow...do you?"

Dear Captain Awkward:

I think I may have messed things up with my amazing boyfriend, and I just feel terrible about it. Let me preface by saying that I am 19 and he is 20, about to be 21, and we have been dating for just over 3 years. We met in high school, and have continued dating into college (we go to the same state school). I love him to death, he brings joy and light to my life and makes me incredibly happy. We’re very different people, but opposites attract, he brings stability and logic to my life and I bring whimsy and eccentricity to his. We’re compatible in so many ways, the word “boyfriend” doesn’t do him justice, after 3 years together, he feels more like a partner (if that description makes any sense), and is as much a part of me as I am of him. Some people may say that I am too young to be in such a serious relationship, and that I’m “missing out” by not dating around, but I do not feel that I am missing out on anything, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

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#217: The Almost-Doctor with the Almost-Boyfriend

Dear Captain Awkward,

So there’s this guy, let’s call him James. We have been friends for several years and in this, our last year of medical school, have slowly gone from drunken making-out, to friends with benefits, to casually dating. It has been exciting and awesome, but we were both more or less expecting this part of our relationship to be temporary since we assumed we would be moving to different cities for residency. We agreed it would have been foolish to enter the residency match as a couple, since we were just starting to explore the attraction back when that decision had to be made.

Against all odds and without any attempts to manipulate the system, we matched in the same city, my hometown. We’re not sure yet if we are going to keep dating – the removal of a definite end date means we now have to consider long-term compatibility in a way we haven’t before (God, I sound so clinical. I have emotions, I swear). I don’t want to spend time in a relationship that doesn’t have at least the potential to be forever, so we have started talking about what we both want in life. I feel good about all of this. Worst-case scenario we keep having fun until graduation then move to the new city as really good friends.

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#216: I broke up with someone because she cheated on me. Was that sexist?

First, I love this: How do work up the courage to kiss the girl I like?

Second, a letter:

Hail to thee, O Captain,

Perhaps I’m taking a different approach than other letter writers, but I would like your thoughts and judgment on events that quickly transpired this weekend. I had little time to deliberate, and ultimately chose my course of action without advice from others, and now I would like to know whether I was justified in my actions, or whether I erred.

To briefly explain my circumstances, I’m a professional student in my mid-twenties, and was in a passionless long-term (three years) relationship until last year. Following that commitment ending, I’ve sought to expand my opportunities at meeting new partners in the adventures of the online world. I don’t think my experience there was atypical, and I met many nice people, but few who would commit to anything beyond one or two dates.

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#215: How do I help my friend realize she is lovely?

Dear Captain Awkward

I have two friends, let’s call them Jane and John, who have been in a long distance relationship for the last few months. She’s 18, he’s 25 and they met online – same way I met both of them. They decided to meet face to face but at the last minute Jane freaked out about it and called it off. The reason she freaked out is because she has decided that if he meets her “in real life”, he will find her disgusting (her exact words) and dislike her, and even if he doesn’t break up with her that’s only because he’s too nice a guy.

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#214: An object lesson in “overthinking it.”

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’m sure there’s a short and sweet solution to this one, but I can’t seem to see it. Perhaps the Awkward Army can advise?

The very short version: There’s a guy, and he’s cool, and I’d like to maybe get coffee with him sometime and see what happens.

I know, I know, I should use my words! And ask him to get coffee sometime! And do it soon, before I become all invested in a supercrushofdoom! And not hang around becoming friends and nursing a secret crush in the hope that he’ll get a crush on me too!

The reasons I haven’t done this are because of the slightly longer version of the story:

Cool guy is a newish addition to a group of loosely connected awesome people that make up a lot of my social network. Within the broad, loosely connected group, me and two other awesome ladies form a bit of a trio of close and hilarious and got-each-other’s backs friendship.

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#213 : Am I weirding everyone out by not being gay?

I’m happy to say that this is my most pressing question about sex ‘n’
relationships ‘n’ stuff right now.  The short version is that a lot of
people who don’t know me that well aren’t sure whether I’m lesbian,
straight, or somewhere in between.  I’m sure where I am (straight) but
I also like the protective shield that uncertainty gives me against
unwanted (male) advances. (The unwanted female advances are rare and
flattering.) But now I’m wondering if this is kind of a shitty thing
to do, knowingly allowing people to draw the wrong conclusion instead
of being honest about who I am, just so I can avoid a few passes.  I
also worry that I am missing out on all the guys who don’t want to be
so gauche as to hit on someone who might be a lesbian.

 

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#212: Bad connection. Try again later.

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’m 24, a lady, and I have never been in any kind of a romantic relationship before, until now. I think I’m fucking everything up. Here’s the lay of the awkward;

Some mutual friends of ours set me up on a blind date about a month ago and we really hit it off, or at least he really did and I kind of did. I enjoyed our first date which was just talking, and our second time hanging out was at his apartment and was just making out, I wanted to do it and it, and I was probably no kind of good considering this is the first human penis I’ve gotten to know. But after that, that’s all our relationship has been, arrange to hang out at one or another of our places, delightful sloppy make outs that end when he comes, and then cuddling and pillow talk, (possibly dinner) before going our separate ways. Classic college hook-up and I’m pretty happy with it despite that I haven’t gotten off with him yet. He’s leaving the country in a few months for an internship and I will probably not see him again afterwards. So this relationship-thing has a built-in expiration date.

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#211: If my friend has feelings for me, it is only logical that I return them.

A cyberman from Dr. Who pointing at the camera.

Let's keep this logical between us.

Dear Captain Awkward,

Geeks of the feather, flock together. It’s an obvious thing within my wonderful friends circle, but it’s not horrible. All the people I consider to be good friends are socially inept and awkward somehow. Not to a debilitating or super-creepy level, but we’re all definitely the oddballs who will miss a handful of “normal” social cues. However, we’re all “odd” in different ways and aware in others so we all balance each other out.

There has been a more recent addition to our circle, let’s call him N. In my opinion, he’s a genuinely great guy. Though super nerdy, he’s well aware of his own social failings and actively seeks feedback to improve himself. We bonded while planning for a group camping trip; we both went through similar patterns of depression from similar bad habits of social ineptness. We also both learned to “fix” ourselves and function better with a lot of hard work. Basically, we hang out and compare notes on how stupid we once were, how much progress we’ve made, and how much farther we have to go in some departments.

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#210: I feel guilty because I don’t like my dad.

Hey Captain Awkward.

You might be the wrong person to direct this question to, but I don’t really know who else to ask.
I don’t really like my dad and it makes me feel guilty and weird and anxious.

Part of it is that he makes me uncomfortable in a way that feels sexual. I’ve never been sexually abused by him or anyone else, so that’s not why. I think it’s mostly a combination of the fact that he often wears only underwear around the house (although so does my mother and sister) and accidentally catching him looking at porn a few times over the years. It makes me uncomfortable being nude/wearing little clothing and masturbating when he’s in the house, even at night. I sometimes angst a lot about that being some kind of Freudian creepiness going on there, although I’m pretty sure that’s just me going on an angst trip.

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#209: My mom is pressuring me to invite my molester to my wedding, and it sucks BIG TIME.

Hello everyone. Captain Awkward here. This post involves some deeply harrowing no-good shit, so we’re putting everything behind a cut.

Also of note: This post, you’ll notice the byline above, is a guest contribution of Marie (of The House is full of EVIL BEES fame), now promoted to Private First Class in the Awkward Army. She lays down some pretty fucking awesome encouragement and support for today’s letter writer.

CA Over and Out. Take it away, PFCMarie.

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