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Dude, you are so fucked.

I cannot look. It is too awkward.

Sometimes the only answer an advice columnist can give is “Dude, you are so fucked.”  Check out Dan Savage’s Letter of the Day from yesterday.  Amazing.

Also, it’s National Poetry Month!  Here is Maggie Estep’s great poem, “I am an emotional idiot.”

I’m an Emotional Idiot

so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.Wait, no,
that’s too close,
give me some space
it’s a big country,
there’s plenty of room,
don’t sit so close to me.Hey, where are you?
I haven’t seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren’t I enough for you?

God,
You’re so cold.
I never know what you’re thinking.
You’re not very affectionate.

I mean,
you’re clinging to me,
DON’T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your fucking cat?
Don’t rub me like that.

Don’t you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don’t you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There’s an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don’t you go?
I’ll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I’m nothing.

Move in with me
we’ll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don’t get in each other’s hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I’ll have my own bedroom,
it’s nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don’t you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin’,
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I’m an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.

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8 comments
  1. Mercutia said:

    Oh. Oh, dear.

    • JenniferP said:

      The best I can come up with is “Have your wife have a talk with her daughter about fallout of lashing out and making very private information so public,” along the lines of “How would you feel if we read your email and sent unflattering things to everyone you knew?” but all in the context of “We get why you are angry and hurt and the family obviously has a lot of work to do before we trust each other again, if ever.”

      Still, the lack of self-awareness and complete stupidity about email security is melting my brain.

      • piny said:

        A year?! Jesus Christ.

        I can understand quietly having a word with his wife about how to talk to their daughter, but he has no right to punish her for this. (And, honestly, I would not be contradicting my wife right now, in his shoes.) He cheated on his daughter’s mother. He also let her see explicit pictures of himself and his lover, a woman she knew as a family friend. He doesn’t seem to take any responsibility for that at all. “Yes, I had an affair, but…?” I mean, is he going to send himself out of state for the summer, or cut himself off from his friends? Is he getting grounded?

        What a horrible man. What a horrible father.

  2. Wow. This is the first time that an advice-seeker left me temporarily speechless.

    This guy is an ass. I can’t get over the fact that his first thought is punishing his daughter. The glib way he dismisses his affair, coupled with his righteous outrage at his daughter’s indiscretion is mind-blowing.

    I’m feeling very rage-y at this guy right now, and feeling very, very sorry for the kids of both families. I know first-hand about ugly divorces and vindictive parents.

  3. RedSonja said:

    I’m not sure where this man thinks he has any sort of moral authority to punish his daughter. Particularly since he’s done most of the things he wants to punish her for – violating trust, acting thoughtlessly, putting emotions ahead of commitments… Seriously, if he were my dad and he tried to punish me, I would laugh in his assholish face.

    It seems pretty clear to me he just wants to punish her for outing him, and that was the only way he could think of to frame it that made him look sort of almost okay.

    • I’d laugh in his face, too.

  4. k said:

    I really wish Savage would come back and address that guy’s question himself. On one hand, yes 15 is totally old enough to understand that you don’t send nude pictures around like that. But on the other hand, there’s ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ELSE about that letter. Cheating because “oh we have a higher sex drive than our spouses”!? Chatting on the family computer and leaving your account open!? The first question in this situation being “how should my daughter be punished?” and the listed possible punishments being draconian, vindictive revenge fantasies!? Ugh. The LW is a total piece of work.

    • piny said:

      It’s great, isn’t it? I embezzled, sure, but I just like money more than my employers do, QED.

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